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Colonel Cærdiffi

Life on the ward

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.
Wilkins glanced up at the clock. 5pm. "Time to do my rounds, I think!"

He liked this part of the job. A nice opportunity to stretch the legs and have a chat with the patients.

He switched off his radio, checked his teeth in the mirror, put on his pristine white lab coat, put his stethoscope around his neck and left his room.

Mrs. Telford in Ward B was always happy to see him and he always talked to her first, and for the longest.

Wilkins sat down in a chair next to her bed. "Been sailing lately?" asked Mrs. Telford. "Yes actually, I traded my 80 foot yacht in for a 100 footer just last week. I found we needed the room for all the parties we have on board." said Wilkins.

"Oh, that's nice dear" she said, and put her hand on his arm. "Hey, I've got my eye on you two!" joked old Mr. Hines from his bed across the ward. "Yes, I doubt my wife Cindy Crawford would be too pleased to see me talking to other glamorous women!" All three had a chuckle and after some more chit-chat it was time to move on to the next patient.

Wilkins stood up and headed for Ward A but as he got to the double doors, two large men dressed in white stepped into his path.

"OK Wilkins, that's quite enough." The larger of the two men grabbed Wilkins firmly by the arm.

Wilkins struggled to free himself. "Unhand me immediately!" he said, yanking his arm back. "I'm a black-belt in Karate, you'd better watch yourself!"

Wilkins switched to a Karate stance and used the fingers of his outstretched hand to offer a 'come get me' gesture. The two large men looked at each other and sighed. In a flash, one of the men had Wilkins in a tight headlock while the other effortlessly swept his legs out from under him. All three men tumbled to the ground in a thud, landing on top of Wilkins.

"This is assault!" Wilkins croaked from underneath them. "You'll go to jail for this! My lawyer is Johnnie Cochran!" He continued to kick wildly and struggle on the floor until a nurse rushed in and injected a solution into the back of Wilkins' neck, which had an instant calming effect.

The two large men got up and helped the now docile Wilkins up from the floor. Now his face was a picture of calm, glassy eyes and a faint smile.

"OK Mr. Wilkins, lets get you back to your room shall we?" said the nurse calmly whilst guiding Wilkins by the arm. "Yeees" Wilkins said quietly, some dribble escaping over his bottom lip.

The two large men watched on and followed behind. "It's amazing really." said one. "Mr. Wilkins lives in a total fantasy world 24/7 but he seems to get worse at certain times. These particular delusional episodes always tend to happen at around 5pm on a Saturday, I'd love to know what riles him up this much."

The nurse took Wilkins into his room and settled him down in front of his computer, took off his lab coat, switched the radio back on and left the room.

The two large orderlies stayed long enough to watch him using one finger to slowly type the first few letters of his username into a football messageboard 'J-u-r-s-s-e-y...'
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  1. Arfur Europe's Avatar
    That's bizarre, as that's my exact picture of him too ;)
  2. Mrs Steve R's Avatar
  3. Rocco Siffredi's Avatar
    You have way too much time on your hands
  4. Michael Morris's Avatar