Edinburgh's top jokes

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine


Last year's winner -

"My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart."

None of those would have stood a chance if jursset had entered his twitter account.

The majority of them seem awfull, maybe better delivered than written.

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Originally Posted by Croesy Blue

The majority of them seem awfull, maybe better delivered than written.

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A panel takes a group of one liners, and publishes them for publicity purposes. Personally i'm not a fan of one liner gag comedy, so i wouldn't necessarily go and watch a Tim Vine type comedian. That being said a lot of the people on these lists are not one liner comedians, and they are just taking the easiest joke from their set to publish.

A lot of people on this list would not take that gag as the highlight of their show.

Boyle's is the best but obviously they couldn't have him winning!.

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Originally Posted by LordKenwyne

Boyle's is the best but obviously they couldn't have him winning!.

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Nah, Alexei Sayles' wins it for me.

2014 winner by Tim Vine

"I decided to sell my Hoover, Well it was only collecting dust"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by the other bob wilson

Nah, Alexei Sayles' wins it for me.

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Stolen from Stewart Francis, Canadian comedian from over 5 years ago.

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Originally Posted by Steve R

Stolen from Stewart Francis, Canadian comedian from over 5 years ago.

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Virtually all comedians steal.

Robin Williams was well known for it, to the point some comedy clubs had lights to indicate to on stage comedians that Williams was in the audience. Didn't care, just chucked them some money.

I like Milton Jones.(not in the above list)
One of his was

My girlfriend says I lack commitment....well, I say 'girlfriend'...

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Originally Posted by bobh

I like Milton Jones.(not in the above list)
One of his was

My girlfriend says I lack commitment....well, I say 'girlfriend'...

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Stewart Francis again