Anyone else's Dad hard work

I know there's no better place to get advice than on here so here goes :hehe:

The first thing i'll say is i appreciate I'm very lucky to have my Dad still around and i'm very grateful for that. Since he retired though he's developed this "i dont give a f*ck" attitude" which i dont generally have a problem with. What bothers me is he can be rude when you're in a restaurant/pub with him and he'll boss people around. He also uses the N word to describe black people and is not quiet about it either.

I've tried to talk to him but "he's old school" but I fear he might offend the wrong person one day and it's also embarrassing.

One thing of note is that he's a rugby bloke and one of his mates is exactly the same.

I know its a generation gap thing so Should I try reign him in or leave him to it?:shrug:

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Originally Posted by 1/2man1/2horse

I know there's no better place to get advice than on here so here goes :hehe:

The first thing i'll say is i appreciate I'm very lucky to have my Dad still around and i'm very grateful for that. Since he retired though he's developed this "i dont give a f*ck" attitude" which i dont generally have a problem with. What bothers me is he can be rude when you're in a restaurant/pub with him and he'll boss people around. He also uses the N word to describe black people and is not quiet about it either.

I've tried to talk to him but "he's old school" but I fear he might offend the wrong person one day and it's also embarrassing.

One thing of note is that he's a rugby bloke and one of his mates is exactly the same.

I know its a generation gap thing so Should I try reign him in or leave him to it?:shrug:

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Are you my brother? :hehe: apart from the rugby my Dad has been like that all my life.

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Originally Posted by Mrs Steve R

Are you my brother? :hehe: apart from the rugby my Dad has been like that all my life.

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Yeah my old man is the same, like the Welsh Alf Garnett. In my experience your best just laughing it off, you’ll never change him.

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Originally Posted by Mrs Steve R

Are you my brother? :hehe: apart from the rugby my Dad has been like that all my life.

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I was about to ask the same thing

Think it's a generation thing and they'll never change

I think you should have a word. It probably won't change anything, but at least you'll know you tried. Are there any kids around when he acts up?

Just appreciate him for what he is,lost my Dad over 20 years ago and would love to a one more chat with him.

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Originally Posted by theclaw

Just appreciate him for what he is,lost my Dad over 20 years ago and would love to a one more chat with him.

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I'm sorry to hear that mate and i did say at the start i'm very lucky to have him and fully appreciate that.

My worry is he'll say or do something to the wrong person. I want to take him more places and spend more time with him but his mannerisms sometimes make it difficult. Maybe he's earnt the right not to give a phuck but his views are extreme at times.

I guess i'm trying to look out for him but don't know the best way to approach it (if at all)

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Originally Posted by NYCBlue

I think you should have a word. It probably won't change anything, but at least you'll know you tried. Are there any kids around when he acts up?

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He does act up when kids are around but does watch his language (which i'm very grateful for)

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Originally Posted by 1/2man1/2horse

I'm sorry to hear that mate and i did say at the start i'm very lucky to have him and fully appreciate that.

My worry is he'll say or do something to the wrong person. I want to take him more places and spend more time with him but his mannerisms sometimes make it difficult. Maybe he's earnt the right not to give a phuck but his views are extreme at times.

I guess i'm trying to look out for him but don't know the best way to approach it (if at all)

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Just take him out and apologise on his behalf if he speaks out of turn. Many phrases are just embedded as you get older and they will just appear even if he is trying not do so. I've reached an age where things that were the right thing to say when I was younger are no longer the right thing to say but it's hard to remember this sometimes when you are in the middle of a discussion.

Worry about spending what time you have with him - other people's feelings can generally be mended unless he's aggressive with it.

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Originally Posted by 1/2man1/2horse

I know there's no better place to get advice than on here so here goes :hehe:

The first thing i'll say is i appreciate I'm very lucky to have my Dad still around and i'm very grateful for that. Since he retired though he's developed this "i dont give a f*ck" attitude" which i dont generally have a problem with. What bothers me is he can be rude when you're in a restaurant/pub with him and he'll boss people around. He also uses the N word to describe black people and is not quiet about it either.

I've tried to talk to him but "he's old school" but I fear he might offend the wrong person one day and it's also embarrassing.

One thing of note is that he's a rugby bloke and one of his mates is exactly the same.

I know its a generation gap thing so Should I try reign him in or leave him to it?:shrug:

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Wish my dad was more like that. He is far too respectful.

He also uses the N word to describe black people and is not quiet about it either.

If he's repeating the lyrics of popular rap artists such as Icey T and Scoopy Scoopy Dog Dog then you have nothing to worry about. He may also be into 'Drill' and maybe looking to 'clock an opp'. Check he's not wearing a baseball cap of an American sports team or buckles his trousers below his arse before making any assumptions.

My dad told me on his deathbed that if he could have his life over again, he wouldn't change a single thing. I sharply reminded him of the holiday in Porthcawl in the sixties when he slipped in a huge dog turd and ended up throwing a perfectly good pair of suede shoes in the litter bin on the seafront. As I pointed out to him, surely to God he wouldn't want to go through that again. Needless to say, he had no answer to that, and died a few seconds later.

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Originally Posted by ian gibson

My dad told me on his deathbed that if he could have his life over again, he wouldn't change a single thing. I sharply reminded him of the holiday in Porthcawl in the sixties when he slipped in a huge dog turd and ended up throwing a perfectly good pair of suede shoes in the litter bin on the seafront. As I pointed out to him, surely to God he wouldn't want to go through that again. Needless to say, he had no answer to that, and died a few seconds later.

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Hush(it) Puppies by any chance?

Just returned from our caravan in West Wales were l had to remove the clothes my dear old dad left in the wardrobe of his bedroom,see he passed away just before Christmas ,and to be honest l sat on the bed and wept for a dad and old fashioned Gentleman who no one had a bad word for .l miss him every day yet he was critical of foreigners taking as he called our jobs and gays were always referred to as Nancy boys so it’s definitely a generational thing,also remember my Grandmother when people started holidaying abroad in the sixties saying have you seen Mrs Jones down the road she’s been abroad and is so suntanned she looks like a N.....

My dad has been a terrific father, and grandfather to my children, I never wanted for anything, and he bailed me out a couple of times when ive got into financial difficulty but I cant dent that most of the time he gets on my tits. If we are in the same room for an hour we will end up having words.

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Originally Posted by J R Hartley

My dad has been a terrific father, and grandfather to my children, I never wanted for anything, and he bailed me out a couple of times when ive got into financial difficulty but I cant dent that most of the time he gets on my tits. If we are in the same room for an hour we will end up having words.

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This doesn't come as much of a surprise.

I used to despair of my late mother's insistence when watching tv cookery programmes, " How could you eat anything made by those big black hands?" Poor Ainsley Harriott. Yet she was proper old Cardiff, born & brought up in Newtown, lived in the Docks, Splott etc so was no stranger to various colours & creeds. Definitely a generational thing. What about the old Cardiff boxer, Darkie Hughes? It was generally accepted that it was fine to refer to him as that, I think his family did as well.

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Originally Posted by splott parker

I used to despair of my late mother's insistence when watching tv cookery programmes, " How could you eat anything made by those big black hands?" Poor Ainsley Harriott. Yet she was proper old Cardiff, born & brought up in Newtown, lived in the Docks, Splott etc so was no stranger to various colours & creeds. Definitely a generational thing. What about the old Cardiff boxer, Darkie Hughes? It was generally accepted that it was fine to refer to him as that, I think his family did as well.

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My grandmother genuinely believed that a young white woman she knew became what she would describe as 'half-caste' after being impregnated by a black chap. I kid you not.
And when she spoke of 'black hands' of the carers who attended to I told that if she was blind she wouldn't even know about their skin colour. It made no impression though as she was very dim.

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Originally Posted by ian gibson

My dad told me on his deathbed that if he could have his life over again, he wouldn't change a single thing. I sharply reminded him of the holiday in Porthcawl in the sixties when he slipped in a huge dog turd and ended up throwing a perfectly good pair of suede shoes in the litter bin on the seafront. As I pointed out to him, surely to God he wouldn't want to go through that again. Needless to say, he had no answer to that, and died a few seconds later.

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Was he interred?

I don't think that racism is a generational thing, there are plenty of 'older' people who don't generalise, aren't racist, homophobic, xenophobic etc. My old man was an example, he was a prominent member of the Anti Nazi League during the 70's and 80's, an international Socialist, Trade Unionist, activist and massive City fan. I can recall a couple of occasions where he challenged racism on the bob bank, I was a wee lad, and my dad wasn't handy like Sludge, and these racists were never on their own, yet my father challenged them, they would always insult him, as they knew they were wrong, probably embarrassed, yet he stood his ground. As I child it would scare me, I was worried that my Dad would get hurt or attacked. It taught me a valuable lesson, don't let Racists or bullies get away with what they're doing-challenge them.

Feelings and emotions were never spoken about, we talked about the City, Politics and my kids, never about us, we were never affectionate, no cuddles or kisses, never saw him cry or upset, even when he lost his parents, sister. In 2005 he was diagnosed with COPD, I remember him telling me that he had 'this disease' and that was that. He condition worsened and he ended up on 100% oxygen, he didn't leave the house for the last two years of his life, I would visit him regularly, never once was his condition spoken about or the premature end to his life, it was still the city, politics and the kids. He died in 2011 aged 63. Rather than emotive, I remember the quirky things about my dad, he was hard work on times, very leftfield and had a wonderful imagination and sense of humour.

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Originally Posted by Barry Shitpeas

Yeah my old man is the same, like the Welsh Alf Garnett. In my experience your best just laughing it off, you’ll never change him.

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Mines an English Alf Garnett.

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Originally Posted by The Bloop

I was about to ask the same thing

Think it's a generation thing and they'll never change

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Sadly my Dad has changed a bit and has now got the hang of facebook :facepalm:

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Originally Posted by Mrs Steve R

Mines an English Alf Garnett.


Sadly my Dad has changed a bit and has now got the hang of facebook :facepalm:

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My 65 yo father is on Facebook and Instagram. My 13 yo won’t add him 😂

My mother uses his account sometime and always signs off Rose and Mike 🙈

Just get your own account for god sake

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Originally Posted by lardy

This doesn't come as much of a surprise.

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Neither does you trying to be a clever **** on one of my posts but hey-ho

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Originally Posted by J R Hartley

My 65 yo father is on Facebook and Instagram. My 13 yo won’t add him 

My mother uses his account sometime and always signs off Rose and Mike 

Just get your own account for god sake

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I have my own account :shrug::biggrin:

My dad is 90. Born and bred in Nantymoel. If he used the N word I would put him straight regardless of his age.
He met my son’s girlfriend in March. She is Portuguese and mixed race. My dad was fine.
Having said that I have to admit to still saying the word “gay” in a way that is derogatory. It’s something I am trying to cut out and would hate to think it’s hurtful to someone who is gay.

Sounds like my Dad. He's not long turned 70. Hates Blacks, Pakistanis (calls them all sorts of derisory names) and voted leave to get rid of them (clearly clued up on the referendum :facepalm:) Reckons half of people on benefits are doing so fraudulently and no-one ever has an excuse to do so (despite the fact he did for 6 months when he was made redundant in the early 90s). Hates gays, lesbians etc.

He's turned into a walking Daily Mail. Moreso, I can never debate things with him because my facts are "wrong" and his life experience knows better. His current partner is totally intolerant and he's become her after spending the last decade together. He was never like that before. Sometimes I think he's an utter twat.

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Originally Posted by Mrs Steve R

I have my own account :shrug::biggrin:

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You’re probably as old as my ma :hehe:

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Originally Posted by J R Hartley

You’re probably as old as my ma :hehe:

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If your ma is 35 then yeah :hehe:

I don't have a problem with my account, I was talking about my Dad's. :biggrin: