Re: Toilet reading material
Roger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
Re: Toilet reading material
The loo book bloody brilliant
Re: Toilet reading material
My lavatory literature is a book of German idioms.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Maccy Blue
Roger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
Classic piece of English literature
Example
Arse piss....... diarrhoea, rusty water , anal fire water
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Maccy Blue
Roger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
Wet the baby's head - To have intercourse with a woman who has a bun in the oven. :hehe:
Re: Toilet reading material
Arse wiping material? The Sun, Daily Mail
Re: Toilet reading material
I'm always in and out in 2 minutes max.
No time for reading.
Re: Toilet reading material
I feel I speak for the silent majority in believing this topic isn't suitable for this venerable platform. Indeed, it's difficult to conceive of any respectable gathering where it would be viewed as tolerable discourse. It must surprise no-one that this forum's arch-rotter is the instigator. Absent of sporting a jet black waxed moustache which curls up at both ends, he fits the profile of an old-fashioned cad to a tee.
Is it any wonder his social skills and interaction is so limited?
It's ultra unlikely, but let's imagine he's invited to attend a dinner party. He interrupts the pleasant chit chat by enquiring of Marjorie, the hostess, what her preferred toilet reading material is. Her face freezes in embarrassed bewilderment as she's about to sink her teeth into an After Eight mint. Knowing him, instead of recognising her discomfort by offering a heartfelt apology, he'd unnerve her further with: "Well, Marge, tell us what you like to read when you're curling one out?"
:xmashomer:
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
We have all been there lads , and indeed ladies
It's nine o clock on a Sunday morning and that old twitch tells you it's time to drop a few lavatory bombs .....
So what's on your reading list to ease things through ?
I currently have on the bogside table ........
The world according to Henry root
The time wasters letters
Crap towns
The match day magazine v Millwall , a fascinating read from cover to cover
Sir, you have spelled Razzle incorrectly several times there.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Organ Morgan.
I feel I speak for the silent majority in believing this topic isn't suitable for this venerable platform. Indeed, it's difficult to conceive of any respectable gathering where it would be viewed as tolerable discourse. It must surprise no-one that this forum's arch-rotter is the instigator. Absent of sporting a jet black waxed moustache which curls up at both ends, he fits the profile of an old-fashioned cad to a tee.
Is it any wonder his social skills and interaction is so limited?
It's ultra unlikely, but let's imagine he's invited to attend a dinner party. He interrupts the pleasant chit chat by enquiring of Marjorie, the hostess, what her preferred toilet reading material is. Her face freezes in embarrassed bewilderment as she's about to sink her teeth into an After Eight mint. Knowing him, instead of recognising her discomfort by offering a heartfelt apology, he'd unnerve her further with: "Well, Marge, tell us what you like to read when you're curling one out?"
:xmashomer:
It's as natural as brushing your teeth or washing your hair
Even Theresa May drops a Hiroshima daily and I think we should know what she's reading when she does it
I bet it's not Karl Marx
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
It's as natural as brushing your teeth or washing your hair
Even Theresa May drops a Hiroshima daily and I think we should know what she's reading when she does it
I bet it's not Karl Marx
When I was about 7 another kid in my class swore blind that the Queen had a woman who did all her shits for her.
Shit is the great leveller in life because we all have to.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
It's as natural as brushing your teeth or washing your hair
Even Theresa May drops a Hiroshima daily and I think we should know what she's reading when she does it
I bet it's not Karl Marx
Sludge as she is a Type 2 diabetic and almost certainly takes Metformin each day she will be
launching very dirty cluster bombs about 8 times a day.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlueWales
When I was about 7 another kid in my class swore blind that the Queen had a woman who did all her shits for her.
Shit is the great leveller in life because we all have to.
That woman would be my Missus the amount she’s in the bog.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlueWales
Sludge as she is a Type 2 diabetic and almost certainly takes Metformin each day she will be
launching very dirty cluster bombs about 8 times a day.
Jesus Christ
Re: Toilet reading material
Whilst we’re on this subject, how have you tried to muffle the sound, and stifle the stench, when you’ve had to drop the kids off at the pool in a new girlfriends house for the first time.?
Re: Toilet reading material
Line the bog with arse paper , muffles it a treat , but leave enough for a good wipe
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rocco Siffredi
Line the bog with arse paper , muffles it a treat , but leave enough for a good wipe
Also running the wash hand basin taps is a good way of muffling a rasper if you can reach them from the bog!
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
William Treseder
Whilst we’re on this subject, how have you tried to muffle the sound, and stifle the stench, when you’ve had to drop the kids off at the pool in a new girlfriends house for the first time.?
Shit out the window.
Problems solved.
Re: Toilet reading material
[QUOTE=SLUDGE FACTORY;4821955]We have all been there lads , and indeed ladies
It's nine o clock on a Sunday morning and that old twitch tells you it's time to drop a few lavatory bombs .....
So what's on your reading list to ease things through ?
I currently have on the bogside table ........
The world according to Henry root
The time wasters letters
Crap towns
The match day magazine v Millwall , a fascinating read from cover to cover
Gunness book of records , its eons old :hehe:
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Vimto
Shit out the window.
Problems solved.
:hehe: Not always.
Re: Toilet reading material
Disappointed to find this thread remaining on the first page. Had hoped it had been flushed and forgotten by now.
Sludge views himself as something of a scatology expert and often boasts he's an "accomplished farter". He reckons the secret of success lies in sphincter control. "Once that's mastered one can adjust volume and tone. It's also imperative," he divulged, "to have an appalling diet. My top tip is to exist largely on Brussels sprouts and mixed meat kebab. Don't bother with lamb kebab meat; it's twice as expensive but far less effective. When you reach Virtuoso level, as I have, you can introduce vibrato into your flatulence repertoire".
He demonstrated his technique by standing and cocking a leg as a hound would on discovering an interesting lamppost. "To increase the magnitude and widen the blast area of your noxious emission is simple," he explained, "you raise the height of your knee accordingly. Amateurs find this difficult to learn as the fools often fall over and, and, and, arghhhhhh," he wailed as he crashed sideways in to the TV stand.
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Organ Morgan.
Disappointed to find this thread remaining on the first page. Had hoped it had been flushed and forgotten by now.
Sludge views himself as something of a scatology expert and often boasts he's an "accomplished farter". He reckons the secret of success lies in sphincter control. "Once that's mastered one can adjust volume and tone. It's also imperative," he divulged, "to have an appalling diet. My top tip is to exist largely on Brussels sprouts and mixed meat kebab. Don't bother with lamb kebab meat; it's twice as expensive but far less effective. When you reach Virtuoso level, as I have, you can introduce vibrato into your flatulence repertoire".
He demonstrated his technique by standing and cocking a leg as a hound would on discovering an interesting lamppost. "To increase the magnitude and widen the blast area of your noxious emission is simple," he explained, "you raise the height of your knee accordingly. Amateurs find this difficult to learn as the fools often fall over and, and, and, arghhhhhh," he wailed as he crashed sideways in to the TV stand.
The rotter you make reference to posted recently how much he lauds over Lord Buckethead, do you not think this boards notorious stinker is Lord Buckethead himself hoping to get himself a grope of the Conservative Party finest women?
The photos speak for themselves
https://img.maximummedia.ie/joe_ie/e...CJ9/bucket.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DB9EqiXXgAAhaNC.jpg
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Bob Banker Spanker
She wasn't a bad looking woman twenty years ago to be fair
Re: Toilet reading material
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Maccy Blue
Roger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
It's been in my bog for years the front cover has faded in the sun. Still find a new word every day.