Originally Posted by
Organ Morgan.
A member of this forum, one of our own, appeared before the beaks earlier today to answer a charge of trespass. I shall not name the miscreant but can reveal he's a resident of Cowbridge.
He appeared in the dock at 10am sharp. Wearing jeans, sweater and his familiar inane grin, he made a licking motion in response to a "cooey" from a rather plump woman sat in the public gallery who waved a large packet of quavers in his direction.
The panel of magistrates consisted of an elderly male with a hawk-like appearance and long boney fingers flanked by two women in their late 50s. Both looked very serious. One wore a silly hat, the type Queen Elizabeth might wear. The other appeared less refined. Short and squat, she bore a startling facial resemblance to Dick Dastardly's dog, Muttley.
"How do you plead?" asked the male magistrate. "Not guilty, my lord," answered the defendant in a solemn tone as he bowed his head in obsequious deference. He was reminded that it wasn't the High Court and that "sir would suffice." "Yes, sir, your most worshipful," he replied before bowing deeply, so much so that he headbutted and broke the microphone.
Following a short adjournment, Police Constable Huw Pugh was called to give evidence. He told the court that he answered an emergency call at 3.15am on December 19th last from a Church Street, Cowbridge resident who had reported an intruder in her garden robbing her knickers from the washing line. The PC had approached the property from the rear lane, climbed an exterior wall and shone a torch at the accused who exclaimed "oh feck" before taking to his toes. He was apprehended two gardens along after he fell head first into a rhubarb patch. Asked why he had a brassiere tied around his head, he said the garment helped to keep his ears warm.
In his defence, Mr X gave a rather different account. He said he was in the habit of taking wee small hours strolls and that he had observed several large men appear from the rear of the address. Quite amazingly, gauging from the disbelieving expressions of all in attendance, he had immediately guessed they had stolen underwear and, without a thought for his personal safety, decided to tackle them single-handedly. The men scarpered as he approached but not before discarding several pairs of women's undies. When a torch was shone upon him he was in the process of returning them to the washing line.
After a very brief discussion, the magistrates found him guilty. He was fined £100 and ordered to pay £15 court costs.
What a light-fingered nocturnal rotter that fella is!
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