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Thread: Ha

  1. #1

    Ha

    I was telling my mate last night that I do a great impersonation of Imran Khan's ex-wife.

    He said, "Jemima?

    I said "No, I just do her voice."

  2. #2

    Re: Ha

    An Italian soldier was killed today going to
    investigate a suspicious object, despite being told it
    was a mine.
    His last words were "you **** offa. I a saw it first"

  3. #3

    Re: Ha

    REVISIT your youth of ringing doorbells and running
    away by becoming a DHL delivery driver.

  4. #4

    Re: Ha

    CONFUSE Geordie physiotherapists by informing
    them that you've got knee complaints.

  5. #5

    Re: Ha

    ANNOY MC Hammer by going to a museum with
    him, pointing at every exhibit and asking ‘can I touch
    this?’.

  6. #6

    Re: Ha

    Quote Originally Posted by uncle bob View Post
    CONFUSE Geordie physiotherapists by informing
    them that you've got knee complaints.

    I did chuckle at this one.

  7. #7

    Re: Ha

    Quote Originally Posted by uncle bob View Post
    CONFUSE Geordie physiotherapists by informing
    them that you've got knee complaints.

  8. #8

    Re: Ha

    Quote Originally Posted by bobh View Post

    I did chuckle at this one.

    Not surprised, after all.... Bob's your uncle!

  9. #9

    Re: Ha

    Quote Originally Posted by MacAdder View Post
    Not surprised, after all.... Bob's your uncle!
    Or down West...
    Bob's your mother's live-in lover!

  10. #10

    Re: Ha

    Yesterday a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester

    I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

    What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college? Bison.

    Just watched a documentary on the way ships are kept together. Riveting.

    When my husband told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down

    My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

    Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.

    I was walking the dogs when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.

    I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof

    I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

    I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.

    I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.

    My friend asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.

    I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year. Roll on 2017.

    I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.

    I applied for a job making sandwiches, but the roll had been filled.

    My wife's working in a bowling alley.
    Ten pin?
    No, permanent.

    I’ve just been diagnosed as colour blind. It came right out of the purple.

    Used to run an anti-gravity machine business. Never got off the ground.

    A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

    Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
    Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday.
    Huge mistake

    I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised

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