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Thread: Nursery Advice.

  1. #1

    Nursery Advice.

    I have a child that has to get picked up from school 2 nights a week due to work.

    Around 3 months ago he was having issues having tantrums when they came to pick him up. We talked to him punished him when it happened rewarded him when he was good, and we seemed to be getting somewhere. Yesterday however there was one more tantrum (1st one in 3 months), and now it seems the nursery simply just don't want to collect him any more.

    I accept that the behavior is not good, we need to work on it together to make it stop, however by simply saying we wont collect him anymore, it puts me in an impossible situation, i cant quit my job.

    What do i do here, do i make a complaint somewhere, or is that going to far.

  2. #2

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    My daughter goes to state nursery (school) in the morning and often goes to private nursery (nursery) in the afternoon (if my wife is working), she will always say to me "I don't want to go to nursery, I want to go home with you" often accompanied by lots of crying and going stiff as a board when I try and get her in the car. It turns out that she sees state nursery for big girls and nursery for baby girls, and that she's no longer a baby. Unfortunately, as I have to get back to work, there is no alternative for us.
    It has got easier as we now know what she is thinking and can talk her round to going (sometimes involves bribery). I know the situation is somewhat different to yours, and I don't what the solution is for you, but may give a very small insight into the psychology of a threenager.

  3. #3

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by rs3100 View Post
    My daughter goes to state nursery (school) in the morning and often goes to private nursery (nursery) in the afternoon (if my wife is working), she will always say to me "I don't want to go to nursery, I want to go home with you" often accompanied by lots of crying and going stiff as a board when I try and get her in the car. It turns out that she sees state nursery for big girls and nursery for baby girls, and that she's no longer a baby. Unfortunately, as I have to get back to work, there is no alternative for us.
    It has got easier as we now know what she is thinking and can talk her round to going (sometimes involves bribery). I know the situation is somewhat different to yours, and I don't what the solution is for you, but may give a very small insight into the psychology of a threenager.
    Yeah, i'm in a similar place. We can get round the behavior with rewards. I feel the best way forward is for us and the nursery is to work as a team and find solutions.

    However it seems the nursery's attitude is, we don't have to pick him up so we are not going to bother anymore. I don't think that is fair to us.

  4. #4

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by qccfc View Post
    Yeah, i'm in a similar place. We can get round the behavior with rewards. I feel the best way forward is for us and the nursery is to work as a team and find solutions.

    However it seems the nursery's attitude is, we don't have to pick him up so we are not going to bother anymore. I don't think that is fair to us.
    I suppose, in reality, it is their right to do that, but to do it without looking at and discussing the alternatives with you is unfair.

  5. #5

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Plus they should be used to that sort of thing.

  6. #6

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by rs3100 View Post
    Plus they should be used to that sort of thing.
    Its a hard one, they are happy to have him in the nursery, but now don't want to collect him, i cant really leave work, go to where i live pick him up from school drop him off at nursery to then go back to work. To just now to refuse to collect him means we will have to find elsewhere, its a nightmare really.

  7. #7

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by qccfc View Post
    Its a hard one, they are happy to have him in the nursery, but now don't want to collect him, i cant really leave work, go to where i live pick him up from school drop him off at nursery to then go back to work. To just now to refuse to collect him means we will have to find elsewhere, its a nightmare really.
    That's what I do, leave work, pick her up, drop her off then go back to work. Next year will be a nightmare as we'll have one in reception and one in nursery, so it will be drop them both off at 8.50, go to work, pick him up at 11.30 and drop him to private nursery, go back to work, pick her up at 3.30, do something with her (T.B.D.) go back to work, pick him up at 5.30.

    You may have already done this but, I'd arrange a meeting with the nursery to try and resolve it.

  8. #8

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by rs3100 View Post
    That's what I do, leave work, pick her up, drop her off then go back to work. Next year will be a nightmare as we'll have one in reception and one in nursery, so it will be drop them both off at 8.50, go to work, pick him up at 11.30 and drop him to private nursery, go back to work, pick her up at 3.30, do something with her (T.B.D.) go back to work, pick him up at 5.30.

    You may have already done this but, I'd arrange a meeting with the nursery to try and resolve it.
    Yeah i think i'll go into more meetings, and hopefully something will work out of that.

    Its a frustrating process, we go into meetings and we work on a plan. We will then put that into place and ring them daily to check behavior, which will always be good. After about 3 weeks of this we say we will stop phoning you daily now, you can ring us or speak to us on pick up. Then month pass by with just comments of yes he's been good today, or he was a little bit naughty and had a time out but was fine after that.

    Then all of a sudden, 1 thing happens and its the end of the world for them, and they claim he has been naughty all the time. I say to them why aren't you telling us this, we could go home and talk to him about bad behavior. Then we have a period of limbo where we dont know whether they will take him or not. Then we have a meeting and the whole process starts again.

  9. #9

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by qccfc View Post
    Its a hard one, they are happy to have him in the nursery, but now don't want to collect him, i cant really leave work, go to where i live pick him up from school drop him off at nursery to then go back to work. To just now to refuse to collect him means we will have to find elsewhere, its a nightmare really.
    Looking from the outside I can understand their position. If they are collecting a bunch of kids at the same time, one child who causes a problem and has a tantrum takes their attention away from others and has the potential to put other children in their charge in danger.
    Please don't think I'm having a pop at your child and obviously that's no help to you but I assume that's the reason.
    I know when mine were that age quite a few parents used paid nannies to just do pick ups and drop offs, no idea how financially viable that is for you, but maybe being picked up as a group is part of the problem.

  10. #10

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
    Looking from the outside I can understand their position. If they are collecting a bunch of kids at the same time, one child who causes a problem and has a tantrum takes their attention away from others and has the potential to put other children in their charge in danger.
    Please don't think I'm having a pop at your child and obviously that's no help to you but I assume that's the reason.
    I know when mine were that age quite a few parents used paid nannies to just do pick ups and drop offs, no idea how financially viable that is for you, but maybe being picked up as a group is part of the problem.
    No i fully understand that viewpoint. I know that the situation is not acceptable, and you need to have control at this point. However its disappointing the lack of being able to work at something. I dont think any parent can guarantee that their child would be perfectly well behaved, at every pick-up over a 6 month period.

  11. #11

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by qccfc View Post
    No i fully understand that viewpoint. I know that the situation is not acceptable, and you need to have control at this point. However its disappointing the lack of being able to work at something. I dont think any parent can guarantee that their child would be perfectly well behaved, at every pick-up over a 6 month period.
    this is the issue with " paid for private childcare " they will not bother to work with children to try and help with issues, as most of the time they can just take on another child who doesnt require hard work

  12. #12

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    There is a really expensive private nursery on the same road as my kids old junior school, even if we had needed to use it we couldn't have afforded it. But the staff they use are little more than kids themselves, straight from school and into childcare work, they haven't got the experience or knowledge yet in how to deal with a child who is causing problems and needing more attention so its easier to exclude than to work through the problem to everyone's satisfaction. As Matt says, there will always be another child on the waiting list to take on.

  13. #13

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Hi mate read your post and although I'm no expert l ran your problem past my wife who was a nursery nurse in the same school all her working life until her retirement three years ago there is no easy answer to your problem other than finding an alternative school that does a scheme called rap a round

  14. #14

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    put your child up for adoption. you will save money too which is an added bonus.

  15. #15

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by TISS View Post
    put your child up for adoption. you will save money too which is an added bonus.

  16. #16

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Since64 View Post
    Hi mate read your post and although I'm no expert l ran your problem past my wife who was a nursery nurse in the same school all her working life until her retirement three years ago there is no easy answer to your problem other than finding an alternative school that does a scheme called rap a round
    There is no real school options, and no real other nursery options.

    Its a difficult one really, hopefully we can talk it out. It just feels like there are no other options at the moment.

  17. #17

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    We used to use a private nursery, but now we use a local childminder who picks up from school at 11:30 for the youngest and 3:30 for the oldest and is brilliant with them. It works out cheaper than the nursery used to be as well.

  18. #18

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
    There is a really expensive private nursery on the same road as my kids old junior school, even if we had needed to use it we couldn't have afforded it. But the staff they use are little more than kids themselves, straight from school and into childcare work, they haven't got the experience or knowledge yet in how to deal with a child who is causing problems and needing more attention so its easier to exclude than to work through the problem to everyone's satisfaction. As Matt says, there will always be another child on the waiting list to take on.
    Truer words have never been spoken,my wife started in childcare in 76 were she did a two year college course and a one day a week training at a local school,then a further one year child psychology course before getting a job at her local village school were she stayed for the next thirty eight years until her retirement,her job title during the first thirty five years was Nursery Nurse then out of the blue her title was downgraded to teachers aid,were you can know do the training online there is little or no training given to the kids coming into the job and most schools use them as nothing more than goffas

  19. #19

    Re: Nursery Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rjk View Post
    We used to use a private nursery, but now we use a local childminder who picks up from school at 11:30 for the youngest and 3:30 for the oldest and is brilliant with them. It works out cheaper than the nursery used to be as well.
    Yeah thats another option i will have to look into. The nursery has been great over the years though, that's why this is frustrating.

    I know the minders are only youngster getting hammered on minimum wage, and they don't need the hassle. I do think it could be solved quite easily.

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