Continuing their long history of signing complete and utter k unts e.g. Tate, Trundle, Pratley, Williams, Dyer, Floris, Routledge, Shelvey, Fer, Gomis etc etc, they've excelled themselves with the acquisition of that pr1ck Tammy Abrahams!

Mind you, the players must have all breathed a collective sigh of relief when John Terry chose to sign for Aston Villa instead of them, after finally getting shot of serial WAG predator 'Ash', the last thing they needed was another slimey twat sniffing around!