BREAKING NEWS: Kate Middleton is up the duff again

[Rocco Siffredi]

She loves royal cock that's for sure

[Organ Morgan.]

She loves royal cock that's for sure

Quite. It's indisputable that she's fond of a royal length. The question on everyone's lips is: who's doing the rodding?

The general consensus is her husband's not up to the task. Harry Hewitt is but prefers to hump scullery maids. Charlie will bash anything as evidenced by the saggy old boot he married, and is odds-on fave amongst the more astute shape-shifting observers. I'd have a cheeky fiver on Phil the Greek. He might be knocking a century yet rumours suggest after he's filled his pipe with Mamba or Spice instead of blended shag tobacco he's good to go for a few minutes.