Reply With QuoteRoger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
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We have all been there lads , and indeed ladies
It's nine o clock on a Sunday morning and that old twitch tells you it's time to drop a few lavatory bombs .....
So what's on your reading list to ease things through ?
I currently have on the bogside table ........
The world according to Henry root
The time wasters letters
Crap towns
The match day magazine v Millwall , a fascinating read from cover to cover
Roger's Profanasaurus for me. Utter gutter humour but brilliant in places.
The loo book bloody brilliant
My lavatory literature is a book of German idioms.
Classic piece of English literatureOriginally Posted by Maccy Blue
Example
Arse piss....... diarrhoea, rusty water , anal fire water
Wet the baby's head - To have intercourse with a woman who has a bun in the oven.
Arse wiping material? The Sun, Daily Mail
I'm always in and out in 2 minutes max.
No time for reading.
I feel I speak for the silent majority in believing this topic isn't suitable for this venerable platform. Indeed, it's difficult to conceive of any respectable gathering where it would be viewed as tolerable discourse. It must surprise no-one that this forum's arch-rotter is the instigator. Absent of sporting a jet black waxed moustache which curls up at both ends, he fits the profile of an old-fashioned cad to a tee.
Is it any wonder his social skills and interaction is so limited?
It's ultra unlikely, but let's imagine he's invited to attend a dinner party. He interrupts the pleasant chit chat by enquiring of Marjorie, the hostess, what her preferred toilet reading material is. Her face freezes in embarrassed bewilderment as she's about to sink her teeth into an After Eight mint. Knowing him, instead of recognising her discomfort by offering a heartfelt apology, he'd unnerve her further with: "Well, Marge, tell us what you like to read when you're curling one out?"
Sir, you have spelled Razzle incorrectly several times there.
It's as natural as brushing your teeth or washing your hairI feel I speak for the silent majority in believing this topic isn't suitable for this venerable platform. Indeed, it's difficult to conceive of any respectable gathering where it would be viewed as tolerable discourse. It must surprise no-one that this forum's arch-rotter is the instigator. Absent of sporting a jet black waxed moustache which curls up at both ends, he fits the profile of an old-fashioned cad to a tee.
Is it any wonder his social skills and interaction is so limited?
It's ultra unlikely, but let's imagine he's invited to attend a dinner party. He interrupts the pleasant chit chat by enquiring of Marjorie, the hostess, what her preferred toilet reading material is. Her face freezes in embarrassed bewilderment as she's about to sink her teeth into an After Eight mint. Knowing him, instead of recognising her discomfort by offering a heartfelt apology, he'd unnerve her further with: "Well, Marge, tell us what you like to read when you're curling one out?"
Even Theresa May drops a Hiroshima daily and I think we should know what she's reading when she does it
I bet it's not Karl Marx
When I was about 7 another kid in my class swore blind that the Queen had a woman who did all her shits for her.
Shit is the great leveller in life because we all have to.
Sludge as she is a Type 2 diabetic and almost certainly takes Metformin each day she will be
launching very dirty cluster bombs about 8 times a day.
That woman would be my Missus the amount she’s in the bog.
Jesus Christ
Whilst we’re on this subject, how have you tried to muffle the sound, and stifle the stench, when you’ve had to drop the kids off at the pool in a new girlfriends house for the first time.?
Line the bog with arse paper , muffles it a treat , but leave enough for a good wipe
Also running the wash hand basin taps is a good way of muffling a rasper if you can reach them from the bog!
Shit out the window.
Problems solved.
[QUOTE=SLUDGE FACTORY;4821955]We have all been there lads , and indeed ladies
It's nine o clock on a Sunday morning and that old twitch tells you it's time to drop a few lavatory bombs .....
So what's on your reading list to ease things through ?
I currently have on the bogside table ........
The world according to Henry root
The time wasters letters
Crap towns
The match day magazine v Millwall , a fascinating read from cover to cover
Gunness book of records , its eons old
Disappointed to find this thread remaining on the first page. Had hoped it had been flushed and forgotten by now.
Sludge views himself as something of a scatology expert and often boasts he's an "accomplished farter". He reckons the secret of success lies in sphincter control. "Once that's mastered one can adjust volume and tone. It's also imperative," he divulged, "to have an appalling diet. My top tip is to exist largely on Brussels sprouts and mixed meat kebab. Don't bother with lamb kebab meat; it's twice as expensive but far less effective. When you reach Virtuoso level, as I have, you can introduce vibrato into your flatulence repertoire".
He demonstrated his technique by standing and cocking a leg as a hound would on discovering an interesting lamppost. "To increase the magnitude and widen the blast area of your noxious emission is simple," he explained, "you raise the height of your knee accordingly. Amateurs find this difficult to learn as the fools often fall over and, and, and, arghhhhhh," he wailed as he crashed sideways in to the TV stand.
The rotter you make reference to posted recently how much he lauds over Lord Buckethead, do you not think this boards notorious stinker is Lord Buckethead himself hoping to get himself a grope of the Conservative Party finest women?
The photos speak for themselves
She wasn't a bad looking woman twenty years ago to be fairThe rotter you make reference to posted recently how much he lauds over Lord Buckethead, do you not think this boards notorious stinker is Lord Buckethead himself hoping to get himself a grope of the Conservative Party finest women?
The photos speak for themselves
It's been in my bog for years the front cover has faded in the sun. Still find a new word every day.
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