Fighting with swans - the dog's side of the story

[David Vincent]

I was enjoying a beer by the river this weekend when I saw a woolly haired terrier barking at a swan.
Dog : "Woof, woof. Oi, oi, you. You long necked poof. If I could swim I'd go in there and kick your butt."
The swan glided towards the river bank and hissed "There's no need to dive in. I'll come across to you."
This made the dog even angrier. "Come on then, let's have you. You weird looking wan*er," he barked.
Of course, he didn't think he'd actually have to fight the swan because he was on land and the swan was some kind of river thing. Right?
Wrong. In an instant the swan was out of the river and standing next to him.
After the first few wacks from the swan's wings the dog was dizzy. He turned around in a circle. He didn't know where he was. The next two blows sent him off whimpering to his owner.
The beery loutish onlookers laughed and cheered. The triumphant swan looked at them and pushed out his chest as if to say "All you knobs can f*ck off as well."

When he got home the dog sat facing the wall. He was in a foul mood.

Owner : "Did the naughty swan hurt you? Come on we'll go for a walk."
Dog : "F*ck off. Just f*ck off."

Dog (to himself) : I hate this country. What kind of place allows those river monsters to attack you when you are just minding your own business? What are the police doing about it? F*ck all. It was a different story when I bit that postman. That mad twat has been trying to climb through our letterbox ever since I was a puppy. When the daft bugger realises he's too big to get through the hole the knobhead chucks a load of paper litter into the house. What a cock knocker. I finally managed to surprise and catch the f*cker but did I get a biscuit or a cuddle? Did I bollocks.They just said "it was a police matter now." It's one law for them and another for us.

Was it a police matter when some evil bastard stole that bone I buried in the garden? Was it f*ck. I was out there barking for two hours but not a single copper showed up. I'm sure it was that bloody ginger cat next door. She's always in our garden teasing me and flashing her arse. Silly slapper. Does she think she's turning me on? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I'd give it one. She knows the dogs around here aren't fussy. I've still not recovered from that time the bull terrier up the road mounted me.

"What the fu*k are you doing? I'm a bloke like you," I shouted.
He wasn't bothered. "Any port in a storm, dear boy" he said.
What a life. I might as well top myself.

Owner : "Cheer up Fido. Let's go. I'll bring your ball and tickle your tummy."
Dog : Oh, come on then you old tart, but I'm not going near the river.

[dembethewarrior]

What the **** did I just read.

[blue matt]

i wondered how the dog felt in this post

http://www.ccmb.co.uk/showthread.php...ighlight=swans

I can go to sleep happy in the knowledge that he wasnt mentally scared for life

[lazbian]

great advert for not doing drugs this

[David Vincent]

great advert for not doing drugs this

I think you are right. Never give recreational drugs to dogs.

[dembethewarrior]

I think you are right. Never give recreational drugs to dogs.