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Thread: If you were in charge of football.....

  1. #1

    If you were in charge of football.....

    Ok, so you're in charge of the beautiful game, you've been given license to tinker with a few things, nothing over the top though, like City being given a bye to the champions league final, that would be to obvious and a little too serious for what i'm looking for, so here's mine-Whenever a player throws himself to the ground rolling in agony, very loud canned laughter is played over the tannoy for the duration of the said players Histrionics-or, whenever players surround or follow the Referee for a period of time, the theme tune from Benny Hill is pumped out. All suggestions welcome, as long as they're not serious!

  2. #2

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    If players surround and jostle the ref he should be allowed to punch them in the face with no recriminations

    If players walk off with the ball after commiting a foul, or prevent a foul being taken quickly they should be allowed to be kicked instead by the opposing team without penalty until they give up the ball or get out of the way

  3. #3

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Penarth Blues View Post
    If players surround and jostle the ref he should be allowed to punch them in the face with no recriminations

    If players walk off with the ball after commiting a foul, or prevent a foul being taken quickly they should be allowed to be kicked instead by the opposing team without penalty until they give up the ball or get out of the way
    That's the spirit! For one game a season, every club has to play a fan for atleast 45 minutes-chosen at random.

  4. #4

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    A professional foul should result in a player being put into stocks for 10 minutes in a glass-sided pen in front of the other teams fans. They can have won the right before the game to go in the pen and throw rotten fruit at the player for 2 minutes and then to be able to laugh at him for the other 8 minutes

  5. #5

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Tuerto View Post
    That's the spirit! For one game a season, every club has to play a fan for atleast 45 minutes-chosen at random.
    imagine that!
    Big Dave who's 15 pints in and is half way through his 3rd curry pie is handed a pair of boots and a shirt at half time.

  6. #6

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    When awarded a penalty , you don’t have to wait for goalkeeper to be on his line !

    if a player rolls over feigning injury then he must be substituted immediately and sent to bed with no tea

  7. #7

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Tuerto View Post
    Ok, so you're in charge of the beautiful game, you've been given license to tinker with a few things, nothing over the top though, like City being given a bye to the champions league final, that would be to obvious and a little too serious for what i'm looking for, so here's mine-Whenever a player throws himself to the ground rolling in agony, very loud canned laughter is played over the tannoy for the duration of the said players Histrionics-or, whenever players surround or follow the Referee for a period of time, the theme tune from Benny Hill is pumped out. All suggestions welcome, as long as they're not serious!
    I can't improve on that - are FIFA and UEFA reading this thread?

  8. #8

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    England should be barred from the next international competition whenever a pundit/commentator mentions 1966.

  9. #9

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any defender who is shielding the ball over the goal line can have his shorts yanked down by the striker and given a paddlin'.

  10. #10

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by billy.ronson View Post
    When awarded a penalty , you don’t have to wait for goalkeeper to be on his line !

    if a player rolls over feigning injury then he must be substituted immediately and sent to bed with no tea

  11. #11

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by lardy View Post
    Any defender who is shielding the ball over the goal line can have his shorts yanked down by the striker and given a paddlin'.
    I've never understood how this is not obstruction, I would change your suggestion a little to yank his shorts down and a free boot the bollox

  12. #12

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    any player who makes a gesture like holding up an imaginary card or "drawing" a TV with his fingers should have his hands tied behind his back for the rest of the game.

    If he also shouts at the ref he should be made to wear a ball gag.

  13. #13

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any player who, when falling over and claiming to be fouled, grabs the ball with both hands to stop the game continuing should be forced to play the rest of the game holding that ball.... and be forced to stay in class for the next two playtimes.

  14. #14

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Managers should be tied to the dug-out using elastic. Any attempt to leave the technical area will see them flung back into their seat. Furthermore, any uneaten dinner will be kept and reheated for their next meal.

  15. #15
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    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any player who throws himself to the ground, clutches his leg/face unnecessarily, prevents the opposition from taking a quick free kick or abuses the good nature of referees should me marched to the centre circle where a huge electronic board will be used for him to write 100 times I must not be a dick
    Each time he writes it coco the clown kicks him up the arse with one of those dodgy boots that clowns wear

  16. #16

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    If a penalty is awarded, the player commiting the offence should go in goals for the spot kick.

    Any player not retreating outside of the penalty box within 30 seconds of a penalty being given shall receive an automatic booking.

    There should be an accumulative team booking resulting in a automatic sending off. When a team receives a 5th booking, one of the 5 booked players, nominated by the opposing captain is sent off.

  17. #17

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    "There should be an accumulative team booking resulting in a automatic sending off. When a team receives a 5th booking, one of the 5 booked players, nominated by the opposing captain is sent off."

    This quite a good one - seriously.

  18. #18

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Anyone dramatically feigning injury from a slight brush should be made to play the remainder of the game wrapped in cotton wool.

  19. #19

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any occasion a player feigns injury, Henderson should be punched in the face.

  20. #20

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any player who walks 10 yards forward when taking a throw in, should be asked nicely to keep on walking down the tunnel

  21. #21

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by BLUETIT View Post
    Any player who walks 10 yards forward when taking a throw in, should be asked nicely to keep on walking down the tunnel
    This world cup seems to be take the throw in where you want and don't worry there's no such thing as a foul throw

  22. #22

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    is it just me or do some games have ball boys and others don't?

  23. #23

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Any player from a team that has been penalized for a free kick, or conceded a throw-in or corner should be booked for handling the ball. The same way they would for kicking the ball away.

  24. #24

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    The immediate post match player interview has to be done as a rap battle to make it moderately interesting.

  25. #25

    Re: If you were in charge of football.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Des Parrot View Post
    If a penalty is awarded, the player commiting the offence should go in goals for the spot kick.

    Any player not retreating outside of the penalty box within 30 seconds of a penalty being given shall receive an automatic booking.

    There should be an accumulative team booking resulting in a automatic sending off. When a team receives a 5th booking, one of the 5 booked players, nominated by the opposing captain is sent off.
    You've spelt pelanty wrong mate.

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