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Thread: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

  1. #1

    SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

    Three goals in five Premier League games. The first league goal conceded at Anfield for eight months. Featured in news reports as a "Super Hot Shot". Contacted by a desperate McLeish to lead his faltering Scottish front line. Scouted by no less a team than Liverpool to augment their Big Three attackers. How has our Callum suddenly blossomed as a Top Striker?

    I sent a hovering drone equipped with a camera to City's Vale of Glamorgan training ground in a quest to discover Callum's secret - and was amazed at what I saw.

    There, in a quiet secluded corner, well away from the inquisitive stare of his team mates, I saw what I will call "The Paterson Pattern".

    Over and over again, Pat was practising his goal celebrations!

    Not for him the slightly bemused look, followed by an obligatory knee-slide to the corner flag after scoring. Callum has spent many private hours choreographing his celebratory moves, so that when he scores, he can immediately switch into Move Machine Mode. And its a new move, every goal! I can reveal that had he scored at the end of Saturday's game as he threatened, he had a Peter Crouch robot dance routine lined up, with a subtle disco twist. This would top even his Fortnite celebration!

    Suddenly it all makes perfect sense. We are often told that the difference between great athletes and the also-runs - the 'also-scored' - is their mental state. Of how they embellish their training with several visualization sessions.

    There we have it. Callum plans, visualizes, his Paterson Patterns every waking moment. His long suffering, embarrassed partner has often been heard to mutter, "He's in training", after yet another strange gyration episode when shopping on Cowbridge High Street.

    Callum's long term plan is to instill this into Zohore's notoriously thick psyche.

    What a front two we would have then! And imagine the goal celebrations from the Premier League's newest double act!

  2. #2

    Re: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!


  3. #3

    Re: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

    Who's your dealer, is he local?

  4. #4

    Re: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

    Patterson is moving into legendary status land .

  5. #5

    Re: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

    Why is Zohore notoriously thick?

  6. #6

    Re: SCOOP: Callum's goal-scoring secret revealed!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rjk View Post
    Why is Zohore notoriously thick?
    That was the only fact in the piece you queried?

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