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Thread: Funeral arrangements - help needed

  1. #1

    Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Bit of a strange request here but the Mrs' family don't get along very well ( a few long-standing family feuds). One of the her relations sadly passed away recently and we cannot find out the arrangements to pay our respects. they are being withheld by a family member who has power of attorney through nothing but spite. We have tried the solicitors and funeral directors but had no luck so far. please can anyone offer some advice?

  2. #2

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Let it go. If they don't want you at the funeral there is not much you can do. Even if you did turn up it might cause difficulty with the relatives in question and would achieve precisely the opposite affect of paying your respects to the deceased.

  3. #3

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    I wouldn't let it go. Try contacting the crematorium or local church, etc. Anybody causing trouble over a funeral would have to be an A-grade tw@t IMO. Good luck.

  4. #4
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    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    If you keep up the fuss the arsehole relative will have the satisfaction of knowing he has upset you. Don't give him that.
    Just invite everyone else in the family except him to a party to celebrate the departed's life.
    But to be fair it must be some feud. I've never heard of someone hiding the venue of a funeral before. Ever!!!!

  5. #5

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    As a last resort, check out the local newspapers (if you can). I've never known a funeral that's not been displayed in them with all of the details that you'll need. Best of luck.

  6. #6

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    As a last resort, check out the local newspapers (if you can). I've never known a funeral that's not been displayed in them with all of the details that you'll need. Best of luck.
    That's a good shout, although I haven't seen a newspaper for about 10 years! I believe the funeral directors insert a notice as part of their service.

  7. #7

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Go to Wales Online web site. They have a section dedicated to funeral notices. Cover the whole of Wales.

  8. #8

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Wales-Bales View Post
    That's a good shout, although I haven't seen a newspaper for about 10 years! I believe the funeral directors insert a notice as part of their service.
    It’s up to whoever is organising the funeral if it is to go in the paper.

    You have to pay.

    Been to 2 recently which were not published, as the families couldn’t afford it.

  9. #9

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by BLUETIT View Post
    It’s up to whoever is organising the funeral if it is to go in the paper.

    You have to pay.

    Been to 2 recently which were not published, as the families couldn’t afford it.
    Correct!

    I tend to side with Vindec's advice on this.

  10. #10

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Rock_Flock_of_Five View Post
    Correct!

    I tend to side with Vindec's advice on this.
    Seconded, plus “xsnaggle’s” , have your own WAKE advice

  11. #11

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Go on cardiff crematorium site should get all details on there. For what it's worth when you find out when and where it is, if you don't want to cause an upset go to a local church or favourite place at the same time to remember the deceased.
    Good luck.

  12. #12

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    If someone has Power of Attorney for Health, Welfare and Finance then that individual acts as though they are the deceased.
    Their decision is final.
    The Funeral Directors and crematorium staff legally have to uphold that person's wishes.
    I tend to go along with Vindec and feel it is in your wife's and the deceased's best interests to let it go.
    The Power of Attorney was gifted by the deceased and gifted for a reason. It's not easy to obtain. Therefore, as unpalatable as it may be, your wife has to accept the situation.
    If somehow you do go to the funeral, accept that it may be your wife and your presence (and any other people excluded) that may result in any potential conflict, which is surely not what either of you would want.
    It's far from ideal for your wife, but I hope she manages to find peace and is able to pay her respects in an alternative way.

  13. #13

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    If 1/2man1/2horse wants to find out where the funeral is on behalf of his wife, then that's his business. He never asked for advice on whether or not he should attend. Nobody on here knows what his exact intentions are, or the precise nature of the family disagreement, so I am not sure why people are wading in and telling him to let it go.

  14. #14

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Wales-Bales View Post
    If 1/2man1/2horse wants to find out where the funeral is on behalf of his wife, then that's his business. He never asked for advice on whether or not he should attend. Nobody on here knows what his exact intentions are, or the precise nature of the family disagreement, so I am not sure why people are wading in and telling him to let it go.
    Nobody is “telling” him or his wife not to go.
    It’s just friendly advice.

  15. #15

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by William Treseder View Post
    Nobody is “telling” him or his wife not to go.
    It’s just friendly advice.
    Friendly advice that wasn't asked for. For the record, I have seen my sister's wedding ruined due to a family feud that resulted in her dad not being allowed to attend (they never spoke again after that), and I have also buried the hatchet at a funeral when everybody was united in grief. It's a double-edged sword, and in this case we are lacking the facts of the matter, so best to keep our noses out of it IMO. If the OP wanted advice about attending, I'm sure he would have asked for it.

  16. #16

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Wales-Bales View Post
    Friendly advice that wasn't asked for. For the record, I have seen my sister's wedding ruined due to a family feud that resulted in her dad not being allowed to attend (they never spoke again after that), and I have also buried the hatchet at a funeral when everybody was united in grief. It's a double-edged sword, and in this case we are lacking the facts of the matter, so best to keep our noses out of it IMO. If the OP wanted advice about attending, I'm sure he would have asked for it.
    You might well have a valid point but let's see what the original poster thinks. All advice on this thread has been offered in good faith and the original poster is free to ignore it if he so desires.

  17. #17

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    The original post states “can anyone offer some advice” !!!!!!!

    Most of us, are reading that and offering what we see is the best advice, in these circumstances.

    If we’re wrong, we’re ALL wrong, but with the best intentions of the OP in mind.

  18. #18

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by BLUETIT View Post
    The original post states “can anyone offer some advice” !!!!!!!

    Most of us, are reading that and offering what we see is the best advice, in these circumstances.

    If we’re wrong, we’re ALL wrong, but with the best intentions of the OP in mind.
    Alright, and since the OP is not himself the feuding party, my friendly advice would be to continue with what he is doing, and maybe even try to be the peacemaker. At the end of the day it's rediculous to allow feuds to overshadow significant family events, and somebody needs to be the adult in the room and bring people to their senses. Speaking for myself, just giving up without trying to find a solution would not be an option for me, but I'm sure the OP has his own views about how best to proceed.

  19. #19

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Wales-Bales View Post
    Alright, and since the OP is not himself the feuding party, my friendly advice would be to continue with what he is doing, and maybe even try to be the peacemaker. At the end of the day it's rediculous to allow feuds to overshadow significant family events, and somebody needs to be the adult in the room and bring people to their senses. Speaking for myself, just giving up without trying to find a solution would not be an option for me, but I'm sure the OP has his own views about how best to proceed.
    Funerals (like some other family occasions), are bad enough, without putting “an elephant in the room” !!!!

    As a 68 year old, my advice sticks, “stay away”

  20. #20

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by BLUETIT View Post
    Funerals (like some other family occasions), are bad enough, without putting “an elephant in the room” !!!!

    As a 68 year old, my advice sticks, “stay away”
    Where you see despair, I see hope

  21. #21

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Wales-Bales View Post
    Where you see despair, I see hope
    Where you see hope, I see a fight (after booze)

  22. #22

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by BLUETIT View Post
    Where you see hope, I see a fight (after booze)
    Avoid the pub, innit. You only want to pay your respects, not become best mates

  23. #23

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    I argee with this theres bound to be a running order at the local crem or cemertry

  24. #24

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Power of attorney ends at death

  25. #25

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Having lost my son this year I was told by the funeral director not to put a notice in the newspaper as hardly anyone does it anymore due to social media. So we didn't and one of my friends and his wife missed the funeral!

  26. #26

    Re: Funeral arrangements - help needed

    Quote Originally Posted by cardiff55 View Post
    Having lost my son this year I was told by the funeral director not to put a notice in the newspaper as hardly anyone does it anymore due to social media. So we didn't and one of my friends and his wife missed the funeral!
    A lot of oldies, like myself, don’t do social media

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