On a Lighter Note

[lisvaneblue]

Two Old men, Mike and Joe have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear Joe is dying Mike visits him everyday. One day Mike says. " Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played on Saturdays together for some many years. Do me a favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow let me know if there's football up there"

Joe looks up to Mike from his deathbed and agrees to do that. Shortly after he dies.

Midnight a couple of days later Mike awakes from sleep by a blinding flash of light and a voice calling to him.

" Mike, Mike"...

"Who is it asks Mike"

"Its Joe"

"Where are you "? asks Mike

" In heaven and I have some good news and bad news about football here. The good news is that a lot of our old mates are here and we are all young again and play football regularly"

" The bad news is that you're in the team this Saturday"

[Jimmy the Jock]

Two Old men, Mike and Joe have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear Joe is dying Mike visits him everyday. One day Mike says. " Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played on Saturdays together for some many years. Do me a favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow let me know if there's football up there"

Joe looks up to Mike from his deathbed and agrees to do that. Shortly after he dies.

Midnight a couple of days later Mike awakes from sleep by a blinding flash of light and a voice calling to him.

" Mike, Mike"...

"Who is it asks Mike"

"Its Joe"

"Where are you "? asks Mike

" In heaven and I have some good news and bad news about football here. The good news is that a lot of our old mates are here and we are all young again and play football regularly"

" The bad news is that you're in the team this Saturday"

[delmbox]

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming... that was me"

[delmbox]

My sewing instructor told me that I'm the worst student she has ever seen.




Shit....wrong thread.

[Jimmy the Jock]

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming... that was me"

[lisvaneblue]

My sewing instructor told me that I'm the worst student she has ever seen.




Shit....wrong thread.

A man just knocked my door and asked for a donation towards our local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water

[sneggyblubird]

The other day I asked a baggies fan if he had the right time,he replied,"five past swansea".

[light up the darkness]

Alex Ferguson was a judge in a beauty contest.

At half time the judges have gone for a break and one of the beauties from France approaches AF and asks if he is really THE Alex Ferguson famous football manager, leader of Manchester United

He says yes he is and she asks him if he will autograph her rather large chest, which he does.

A second beauty from Spain approaches him and asks if he is really THE Alex Ferguson famous football manager, leader of Manchester United

He says yes he is and she asks him if he will autograph her rather perky rear end, which he does.

A third of the beauties from Argentina approaches AF and asks if he is really THE Alex Ferguson famous football manager, leader of Manchester United

He says yes he is and she asks him if he will autograph the completely bald area between her legs and he immediately says no he will not

She is shocked and asks why not

He said the last time I signed a bald cnt from Argentina it costs me £20 million