FAO Sludge Factory

[Eric the Half a Bee]

Thanks for the return of Buxom Belinda. For some reason, the postman delivered it to No. 64 by mistake and her spaniel has been humping the grey plastic postal wrap for the last week. Goodness knows what it could smell.

However, the randy canine cannot be held responsible for the state of this latex item. Given that you've only had 'her' for a fortnight, I am amazed at the deterioration in its quality. After a previous warning over carrot staining, may I enquire if you used cucumber or courgette? I cannot tell. Is that scented vaseline around her lips?

I found a earphone bud in her left ear. Was this accidental? Also, writing your phone number on her back in pen has caused a slight graze that needs repair.

Lastly, stop feeding her garlic mayonnaise. It was all congealed at the bottom of the plastic wrap.

Thanks

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

Thanks for the return of Buxom Belinda. For some reason, the postman delivered it to No. 64 by mistake and her spaniel has been humping the grey plastic postal wrap for the last week. Goodness knows what it could smell.

However, the randy canine cannot be held responsible for the state of this latex item. Given that you've only had 'her' for a fortnight, I am amazed at the deterioration in its quality. After a previous warning over carrot staining, may I enquire if you used cucumber or courgette? I cannot tell. Is that scented vaseline around her lips?

I found a earphone bud in her left ear. Was this accidental? Also, writing your phone number on her back in pen has caused a slight graze that needs repair.

Lastly, stop feeding her garlic mayonnaise. It was all congealed at the bottom of the plastic wrap.

Thanks

Many thanks for your correspondence regarding the above matter

It's certainly nothing to do with me

I am not a sexist , I respect birds

Even plastic ones

Please forward any further comments to my solicitor

Bill Oddie

The halfway pub

Pontcanna

Cardiff



Thanks