A female friend of mine has invited me round for Xmas lunch , mates since school ?

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You've got as far as getting off with her then?

Due to her smoking habit she smells like someone from indoor league with Fred Trueman

[Bobby_The_Bhoy]

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

Hopefully she doesn't live around the Barry Island area

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Hopefully she doesn't live around the Barry Island area

She lives in an area several miles west of there