A Health Question

[Mad as a fish]

Hi Guys great result yesterday, this is a bit of a longshot but thought I would ask anyway. I am/was a big bad arse biker 74 covered in tattoos who's life has taken a bit of a twist in the last couple of years unfortunately.
A couple of years ago my wife of 50+ years was sadly diagnosed with dementia, the social services initially offered their help but she became so violently abusive none of them will touch her with a bargepole now (and I honestly don't blame them) she doesn't know what Planet she is on and refuses to be moved to residential care, we live in a purpose built disabled bungalow which is lovely. I have recently had some extremely serious heart problems but I haven't had any help from SS as they cant handle my wife. In a few weeks time the Consultant have said I need Open Heart Surgery and,when/if I come out of Hospital I will need caring for for a couple of months, My Mrs has said she will be able to do it and wont allow anyone else near me but I know she is dangerous, but I am hoping I will be able to cope with my care myself which I plan on doing. The big question I would care to share with you is I have this feeling of imminent disaster and it is scaring me shitless regarding the op. and wondered if any of you fellas out there have had open heart surgery and could give me any advice and help set my mind at rest.
What I have found about my wife's dementia is that no one, not the Drs of the social services want to know.
Any advice would be welcomed thanks . I am having the Op at the Heath.

[life on mars]

I would take it to the press . Local MP and get hold of all the health ministers contacts including social media as they get read .
If you're worried about a child or young person in your family or community, please call 101.
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https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/looking-after-people/social-services-complaints-w/social-services-complaints-before-you-start-w/

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

Blimey mate what a very difficult time you are going through .

Firstly I wish you the very best with your operation .

In terms of your feelings of dread and fear they are perfectly normal given the stress and worry you have going on . It might be worth talking to your GP about going on some medication to see you through ?

You are a carer which is incredibly stressful .....a carer for someone with dementia ? ...well that's a step up .....your GP should see that given your health concerns and the difficult situation with your wife then medication could be helpful . This could be an anti depressant .....which help with anxiety .......or a drug like diazepam which would calm you when things were very difficult ......but need to be used with care .

I think caring for yourself and caring for your wife , unless you get help in from the medical profession, social services and various charities is going to be nigh on impossible .

Your wife may not co operate but there may be no alternative but considering residential care for here for a short while as you recuperate .

That may involve the medical people taking a decision under the mental health or capacity act .

This is just my view but if you struggle to cope with your wife with her dementia at present then whilst you are less physically able you are going to find it very very difficult .

I think you need to phone The Alzheimers Society , Dementia UK , Age Cymru , Solace .....they are based in Cardiff .......and get some advice as to what you should do .

My father became too difficult to manage towards the end of his illness but we got through until he passed away . I am not however facing heart surgery as you are .

Please Google those organisations and give them a ring .

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

https://www.dementiauk.org/get-suppo...mers-helpline/

These people are the best to start your search for help for you both at this time

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

https://cavuhb.nhs.wales/our-service...eople1/solace/

Very good source of information and advice , psychiatric nurses with a background in dementia

Based in Cardiff , should be able to point you in the right direction and advise you on your particular circumstances

Bluebirds ! Bluebirds !

[The Bloop]

Whilst I admire your intentions to care for yourself following the operation, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to, especially in the early days after returning home from the operation.
As usual Sludge has given some excellent advice and contacts, but assuming you won't require any help is difficult. Both Health and Social need to work together regarding your wife's behaviour and potential treatment to ensure any risks to yourself, your wife and any carers are mitigated before you return home following the operation and beyond.
I wish you well.

[Mad as a fish]

Thanks all of the kind folk that have replied, will try and find someone as you have suggested, that can help tomorrow.

[Pearcey3]

All the very best with the op. I think you need to have backup support beyond your wife. The op may take a lot out of you meaning you may not have the strength to cope without support.
I hope you get all the support you need.

[Maurice Swan]

I don't have personal experience....but my nephew...in his fifties had open heart surgery a year or so ago (in Wales). Traumatic yes...but he recovered fairly quickly and is now ok..... Having said that he did not have to care for a wife in your situation. Regardless of their stance (and your wife's difficulties) I think the various bodies have a duty of care for your wife in her current state - not sure appealing to Welsh Assembly or whoever will help....Press and GP is better.
Hope all goes well.

[Mad as a fish]

I don't have personal experience....but my nephew...in his fifties had open heart surgery a year or so ago (in Wales). Traumatic yes...but he recovered fairly quickly and is now ok..... Having said that he did not have to care for a wife in your situation. Regardless of their stance (and your wife's difficulties) I think the various bodies have a duty of care for your wife in her current state - not sure appealing to Welsh Assembly or whoever will help....Press and GP is better.
Hope all goes well.

Thanks for that Maurice Im Grateful.