It's coming, chaps. The big one is on our doorstep. World War 3 is so close one can almost touch it. Sure, it'll be another racket just as the first two were. But this time around nukes are likely to fly all over to decimate the populations of North America and Western Europe.

Few want to die. Neverthless, what a honour it will be to croak in the name of Zelensky or Putin, depending on whether we've been waving a small Ukrainian or Russian plastic flag from the comfort our settees during the last year.

There's so much upside about being burned to a frazzle in nuclear blasts. As examples, stress associated with paying bills and getting the sprogs ready for school on time will disappear in an instant. Relegation fears which currently haunt the thoughts of Taunton Blue Meanie and Jon1959, among many others here, will become a trifle less important as radiation blankets most of the UK to choke the lungs of its inhabitants.