A female friend of mine has invited me round for Xmas lunch , mates since school ?

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

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Good call Sludge, Sounds ****ing horrendous.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

---

Brown or red sauce?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

---

Stay with the Corned Dog,and avoid any cheesy offers😄

Quote:

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Originally Posted by valleys caveman

Brown or red sauce?

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Easy red or difficult brown

I am going for brown

So she's not doing the social distancing thing then?

[QUOTE=Optimistic Nick;5148667]So she's not doing the social distancing thing

Me and her are in a bubble

But not on Xmas day

How old are you?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Optimistic Nick

So she's not doing the social distancing thing then?

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She will naturally gravitate to natural distancing after munching away through that Xmas meal and the guaranteed flatulence that will follow.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

Baked cheese , whatever that is , with red currant sauce

Turkey parcels in bacon

Bored stiff but then she says her friend Jane is coming round with cheesecake

Jane ? Who is Jane I said ?

Oh shes lovely , lives round the corner , you would like her , she's really nice

How old is she I ask ?

67

Call me picky but I am staying round mine and having corned beef sarnies , if I can open the tin

---

At least Jane will get vaccinated early.

[QUOTE=SLUDGE FACTORY;5148670]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Optimistic Nick

So she's not doing the social distancing thing

Me and her are in a bubble

But not on Xmas day

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More bubbles than West Ham and Michael Jackson put together

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Harry Paget Flashman

How old are you?

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69

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

69

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Dinner for two.

Get round there misery guts.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

69

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He’s asked your age, not what you get up to with her.

Bottled it.

As per the menu description, no sign of a bird getting stuffed in that household

Baked cheese sounds like Camembert - it's what posh people eat, so you'd probably be better staying at home.

Sounds like they are secretly planning pigs in blankets. Avoid.

Try not to catch any diseases.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taunton Blue Genie

At least Jane will get vaccinated early.

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"you wont feel a thing..."

Mates since school? When did you first mate?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NYCBlue

Mates since school? When did you first mate?

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Nice lass but not my type

She's got fake tiger skin duvet covers and matching pillows

And her ex husband is off his cake

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

And her ex husband is off his cake

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Nearly 11 o’clock, is the perfectly well balanced, sane potential suitor getting ready to go to hers or are you ducking out?:xmashehe:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

Nice lass but not my type

She's got fake tiger skin duvet covers and matching pillows

And her ex husband is off his cake

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Give her some Yule Log. You know you want to.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NYCBlue

Give her some Yule Log. You know you want to.

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I am not a desperate man . Lovely lady , good friend but sex wise its a non starter . She's stuck in 1977 .

And she tabs 20 silk cut a day , its like getting off with a darts player

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY

I am not a desperate man . Lovely lady , good friend but sex wise its a non starter . She's stuck in 1977 .

And she tabs 20 silk cut a day , its like getting off with a darts player

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You've got as far as getting off with her then?