There's a contributor at this forum who's a reprehensible creature. I shan't provide any clues to his identity because doing so would be indiscreet and may cause him embarrassment. I shall refer to him as Mr X.
He sees himself as a latter-day Don Juan figure; a great lover who "proper" women find irresistible. In his ludicrous delusions they should swoon in his presence. Any who decline his crude carnal propositions is dismissed as a lesbian as his ego cannot accept any other explanation. Those who he deems impolitely reject his advances are denounced as "raving lesbos." Mr X has had so many knock-backs he's concluded Cowbridge must have the world's highest per capita number of lesbians.
One day I was in his company along that town's High Street. He tapped my arm and nodded his head towards a frail looking lady aged around mid-60s on the opposite pavement who was struggling to get off her mobility scooter. "She's raving, deffo a rug muncher," he stated unambiguously. I asked how he could possibly know.
He said he tried to chat her up a week earlier while she was sat "on that contraption" and all his "best lines" and his perceived charm drew no reaction. She had remained stony faced throughout his repertoire (which always involves much leering and uttering a series of coarse double entendres). "At last," he continued, "just as I was giving up hope a trace of a smile appeared on her chops, but it seemed more one of relief rather than happiness." He asked her why. "I was filling my colostomy bag," she replied.
Even that revelation wasn't enough to deter our mysterious sex-crazed poster. He pressed on. In a desperate last-ditch attempt to lure her to his home to tear her kecks off he played his final card. "I'll do anything to please you. Anything! All you have to do is ask. It is my guarantee to you, ask and it shall be done," he crawled.
"Did she make a request?" I asked Mr X. "Yes," he replied in a crestfallen tone. "Well, what was it?" I urged. He answered: "she said there was but one thing I could do to give her pleasure, and that was for me to turn round and feck off!"
His final words relating to her were: "what a cheeky fecker!"
