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Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
I have carer for my old man through alzheimers till his passing four years ago and last year my old dear went right downhill with frequent urine infections that make her confused and deluded .
I am downstairs at 2 AM watching forensic detectives or whatever it is and hear an almighty crash
Race up to where my old dear lives and she fallen and banged her head
Got her up onto bed , egg sized lump already on her forehead
Phoned out of hours gp service , they advised she comes into hospital , she doesnt want to go so they phone back in an hour and a nurse assesses her as ok but tells me to phone gp in morning
I get to bed at half four
Up at 8 to phone gp , ite 1254 now and she's just been , checked her over and reckons another urine infection
She gets one every other month and if it isn't that its the shits or she wets herself
Very sad for her , bloody exhausting for me
I had a date tonight too
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
What comes round goes round mate, I hope your next fishing trip is wall to wall fish of a size that makes your heart thump.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
Taunton Blue Genie
Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.
Yes, agreed. Looking after an elderly relative can be exhausting but also demanding emotionally.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
Taunton Blue Genie
Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.
Its this or a home
Carers are great mind
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mad as a fish
What comes round goes round mate, I hope your next fishing trip is wall to wall fish of a size that makes your heart thump.
Probably be a little tiddler
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
Swiss Peter
Yes, agreed. Looking after an elderly relative can be exhausting but also demanding emotionally.
belong to a carers support group , everybody says the same and it always seems to be left to one relative
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
I have carer for my old man through alzheimers till his passing four years ago and last year my old dear went right downhill with frequent urine infections that make her confused and deluded .
I am downstairs at 2 AM watching forensic detectives or whatever it is and hear an almighty crash
Race up to where my old dear lives and she fallen and banged her head
Got her up onto bed , egg sized lump already on her forehead
Phoned out of hours gp service , they advised she comes into hospital , she doesnt want to go so they phone back in an hour and a nurse assesses her as ok but tells me to phone gp in morning
I get to bed at half four
Up at 8 to phone gp , ite 1254 now and she's just been , checked her over and reckons another urine infection
She gets one every other month and if it isn't that its the shits or she wets herself
Very sad for her , bloody exhausting for me
I had a date tonight too
Not that it would have helped at that time of night but do you have a care package set up for her?
My wife has one
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Its our duty to look after those who are or elders they have done so much for us and bern through more than us
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
As someone mentioned earlier, a care package would be useful. Not only to help with your mum, but also to ease the burden on yourself. Being a carer is exhausting.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
Elwood Blues
Not that it would have helped at that time of night but do you have a care package set up for her?
My wife has one
Yes have a social worker , carers in three times a day and two carers sitting sessions twice a week
Sisters do f all , friends and neighbours soon drift away , relatives the same
Going to push for more help from social services , she needs it
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Bloop
As someone mentioned earlier, a care package would be useful. Not only to help with your mum, but also to ease the burden on yourself. Being a carer is exhausting.
it is when you have sisters like mine mate , useless pair
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mad as a fish
My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
As tough as it is, there's no shame in admitting you're struggling to cope. Safety should be paramount and both your wife's and your own lives should get better if she goes into care.
We're at the other end of the scale, in that we have a severely disabled child. We used to have carers visit 12 hours a week, mainly to enable us to go to work. We also used to have overnight respite once a month, but that service is no longer available. We stopped our carers in March (I'm shielding) but we're just about coping (work have been very good to us), but we know plenty of other parents in our position who are struggling big time at the moment.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Good on you Sludge for being there for your Mam x
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mad as a fish
My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
I forgot to mention we have been together for 51 years.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mad as a fish
My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
Again all the best :thumbup:
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mad as a fish
My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
Alzheimers is dreadful mate , was caring for my old man for 6 years but couldn't go on any longer , he died in a home in bridgend
Take care mate
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Bloop
As tough as it is, there's no shame in admitting you're struggling to cope. Safety should be paramount and both your wife's and your own lives should get better if she goes into care.
We're at the other end of the scale, in that we have a severely disabled child. We used to have carers visit 12 hours a week, mainly to enable us to go to work. We also used to have overnight respite once a month, but that service is no longer available. We stopped our carers in March (I'm shielding) but we're just about coping (work have been very good to us), but we know plenty of other parents in our position who are struggling big time at the moment.
people worse off than me thats for sure
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
valleys caveman
Good on you Sludge for being there for your Mam x
shes nor ready to go yet
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Packerman
Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
Again all the best :thumbup:
mirrors my old man me and my mum did our best for him
It made me puke listening to my sister saying what a great dad he was
Both my sisters did no caring at all for dad and they do no caring for mum
You gotta do whats right
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Packerman
Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
Again all the best :thumbup:
Top Man.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
people worse off than me thats for sure
Being a carer isnt a game of Top Trumps 🙂 We've learnt along the way, that the amount of help you get isnt always determined by what you need. Quite often its determined by how loud you shout to those who make the decisions.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Packerman
Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
Again all the best :thumbup:
Reading all these post have made me realize how lucky i am.Massive big respect to all of you.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Being a carer is a tough job. Whatever level of care you need to administer.
Respect to all.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Bloop
Being a carer isnt a game of Top Trumps 🙂 We've learnt along the way, that the amount of help you get isnt always determined by what you need. Quite often its determined by how loud you shout to those who make the decisions.
w
I was lucky with my wife's care.
We were both in hospital at the same time for an extended period a couple of years ago and a combination of Doctors social workers and other medical staff set up a package of care (one call a day).We were discharged but my wife had several serious bouts of illness in the following months and was in fact lucky to be here today.
As a consequence the pack was increased to four calls a day by Social Services with no need to push at all in fact they insisted we had the full package.
In the sense that we had no need to press them at all we were lucky.
Certainly made our lives easier.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elwood Blues
w
I was lucky with my wife's care.
We were both in hospital at the same time for an extended period a couple of years ago and a combination of Doctors social workers and other medical staff set up a package of care (one call a day).We were discharged but my wife had several serious bouts of illness in the following months and was in fact lucky to be here today.
As a consequence the pack was increased to four calls a day by Social Services with no need to push at all in fact they insisted we had the full package.
In the sense that we had no need to press them at all we were lucky.
Certainly made our lives easier.
we had to push , the initial care package was crap , I said unless you provide support for my mother and me I am going to lose my ****ing mind
But its still hard , mum gets 3 visits a day but if she messes herself at 7pm the night carers don't come till 9 so I have to give my old dear personal care , its not easy for her dignity
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Massive respect for you and any other carers. I couldn't have done what you do.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
we had to push , the initial care package was crap , I said unless you provide support for my mother and me I am going to lose my ****ing mind
But its still hard , mum gets 3 visits a day but if she messes herself at 7pm the night carers don't come till 9 so I have to give my old dear personal care , its not easy for her dignity
Sorry to hear this mate, what are your thoughts on permanent care in a home? unfortunately things do not improve with time, and you do not want your own physical and mental health to deteriorate which is all to common for carers.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
jeepster
Reading all these post have made me realize how lucky i am.Massive big respect to all of you.
Absolutely!
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
chris lee
Sorry to hear this mate, what are your thoughts on permanent care in a home? unfortunately things do not improve with time, and you do not want your own physical and mental health to deteriorate which is all to common for carers.
She is of sound mind and when she's not under an infection she copes ok .
She wants to stay in her home with increased care and she has told the doctors thats the way it is until they deem its unsafe for her to be here .
Care homes are dreadful , my old man was in one , 1000 quid a week and when I used to visit him he was often sitting in his own mess. I had enough and brought him home and got carers in , its far better for old people to die with dignity than be left in a room like cattle and for families to be paying through the nose for it .
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
She is of sound mind and when she's not under an infection she copes ok .
She wants to stay in her home with increased care and she has told the doctors thats the way it is until they deem its unsafe for her to be here .
Care homes are dreadful , my old man was in one , 1000 quid a week and when I used to visit him he was often sitting in his own mess. I had enough and brought him home and got carers in , its far better for old people to die with dignity than be left in a room like cattle and for families to be paying through the nose for it .
Sorry Sludge have to disagree about care homes, my partner was in Alderwood care home in Colchester, yes it was expensive but the care and dare i say love she received from the totally committed and understanding staff was first rate and i never had a moments doubt she was being superbly cared for
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Packerman
Sorry Sludge have to disagree about care homes, my partner was in Alderwood care home in Colchester, yes it was expensive but the care and dare i say love she received from the totally committed and understanding staff was first rate and i never had a moments doubt she was being superbly cared for
The care home in barry was dirty and had cats running around everywhere
The one in bridgend just left him in his own mess
Its cheaper for my mother , and kinder , for her to be cared for at home with an increased care package than it is to uproot her to the care homes we have locally , they are owned by millionaires and are dreadful
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
My mother in law is 89 and physically reasonably fit but has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At the moment she is coping with living in her own home. My wife has to look after all of her financial matters and do her shopping and make sure she eats and takes her meds. The worst part at the moment is that she is irrational and her short term memory has gone so every conversation is the same thing over and over again.
My wife's sister is in Doncaster and doesn't get down very often, so all the day-to-day stuff falls to my wife and me.
It's going to get a lot worse and put a lot of strain on my wife and me.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Packerman
Sorry Sludge have to disagree about care homes, my partner was in Alderwood care home in Colchester, yes it was expensive but the care and dare i say love she received from the totally committed and understanding staff was first rate and i never had a moments doubt she was being superbly cared for
My Mother in law was in a home in Llandaff as soon as you walked in there all you could smell was shit and piss,when she went into a different home what a difference.The staff were so caring and it was not a private run home.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Most care homes are brilliant.
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RichardM
My mother in law is 89 and physically reasonably fit but has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At the moment she is coping with living in her own home. My wife has to look after all of her financial matters and do her shopping and make sure she eats and takes her meds. The worst part at the moment is that she is irrational and her short term memory has gone so every conversation is the same thing over and over again.
My wife's sister is in Doncaster and doesn't get down very often, so all the day-to-day stuff falls to my wife and me.
It's going to get a lot worse and put a lot of strain on my wife and me.
You need to get all the help you can , social services, alzheimers society
The day to day stuff fell on me when my old man was ill and its fallen me since my mum became ill , my sisters live two hours away .....not in Australia ......they have done nothing in terms of care and even before covid their idea of giving me a break was to come down Friday night and go home Sunday evening . A six week tour of New Zealand, a week away in New York? Not a problem !
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
Hilts
Most care homes are brilliant.
How do you know this ?
Private care homes are owned by millionaires and care home staff are poorly paid
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
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Originally Posted by
SLUDGE FACTORY
How do you know this ?
Private care homes are owned by millionaires and care home staff are poorly paid
i made my case earlier in the thread, stop generalising, i have only good things to
say about the care my my partner received AND my current partner works in a private care home and her and her co workers are amazing for little money, the care they give is first rate
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Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare
Sending you love and respect mate I feel your pain.
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