A relative’s love life dilemma: What would you advise?

So coming off a phone call to a cousin last night, and it seems he was a bit down. I prodded a bit more and he revealed he has a love life problem.

Unlike me he isn’t married, but he has been seeing his bit of filth for four years. She seems quite nice. Well dressed. Brains. Not overly funny but pleasant. If she weren’t with him and I was single I’d bury the sausage in there, but that is an aside. Before meetng him she cut off from her previous piece of pork on her terms and left his house. Story goes her ex was “boring” and “wanted to stay at home on his Playstation instead of going out or travellling”. My cousin seems quite made up with her, and there has been chatter of marriage for a few months.

She is still giving my cousin some fish pie but he admits it has dropped off in recent six months, and now done to twice a week or so. I personally thought for mid Thirties and four years together then a spot of nookie twice a week ain’t that much a cause for concern.

But he said in the last two or three months her ex’s name occasionally flashes up on the phone, but not late at night, more like tea time sometimes. Cousin ain’t happy. He suspects she is sharing her pie with her ex but he has no evidence. He is thinking of calling her bluff and calling it off. I told him to chill out as it’s probably the ex getting vibes of a marriage via friendship group rumours and is making a play to disturb the peace, and probably nowt in it.

What would you do if you were him?

Tell her to tell her bit on the side, to stop phoning when I’m eating my tea and watching the Chase

Ask for help on a football messageboard

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

So coming off a phone call to a cousin last night, and it seems he was a bit down. I prodded a bit more and he revealed he has a love life problem.

Unlike me he isn’t married, but he has been seeing his bit of filth for four years. She seems quite nice. Well dressed. Brains. Not overly funny but pleasant. If she weren’t with him and I was single I’d bury the sausage in there, but that is an aside. Before meetng him she cut off from her previous piece of pork on her terms and left his house. Story goes her ex was “boring” and “wanted to stay at home on his Playstation instead of going out or travellling”. My cousin seems quite made up with her, and there has been chatter of marriage for a few months.

She is still giving my cousin some fish pie but he admits it has dropped off in recent six months, and now done to twice a week or so. I personally thought for mid Thirties and four years together then a spot of nookie twice a week ain’t that much a cause for concern.

But he said in the last two or three months her ex’s name occasionally flashes up on the phone, but not late at night, more like tea time sometimes. Cousin ain’t happy. He suspects she is sharing her pie with her ex but he has no evidence. He is thinking of calling her bluff and calling it off. I told him to chill out as it’s probably the ex getting vibes of a marriage via friendship group rumours and is making a play to disturb the peace, and probably nowt in it.

What would you do if you were him?

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Was her ex Eric?

Could explain the panic to flounce off from here if he is busy with the fish pie?

Tell him he'll get bored again as he prefers posting on CCMB to fish pie-ing and he'll be back on here in no time, then cous can get back on it, everyone is happy!

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Originally Posted by North Cardiff Blue

Was her ex Eric?

Could explain the panic to flounce off from here if he is busy with the fish pie?

Tell him he'll get bored again as he prefers posting on CCMB to fish pie-ing and he'll be back on here in no time, then cous can get back on it, everyone is happy!

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I'm not sure that sausage and fish pie are an ideal combination.

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Originally Posted by North Cardiff Blue

Was her ex Eric?

Could explain the panic to flounce off from here if he is busy with the fish pie?

Tell him he'll get bored again as he prefers posting on CCMB to fish pie-ing and he'll be back on here in no time, then cous can get back on it, everyone is happy!

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I see that dealmaking flows through the blood

And there you have it, this post is an example of why this MB is going down hill rapidly. Mike can you get rid of these WUM’s please?

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Originally Posted by Taunton Blue Genie

I'm not sure that sausage and fish pie are an ideal combination.

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See what you mean. Almost toad in the hole but not quite. I’ll relay your commentary on linguistic selection back to him for due consideration.

Go get some tacos elsewhere

"Before meetng him she cut off from her previous piece of pork on her terms and left his house."

Does your cousin own his own hom e? if he does then the it sounds to me like she is house hunting - looking to marry - then divorce and take half the house. It happens far more often than you think.

And has just happened to my mates son. My mate gave his son 25k to help with a deposit on a house. He met a girl, she was working in very low paid job - but she was pretty. He fell for her - she got pregnant (her second child), they got married - within 9 months she wants and got a divorce. She stayed in the house with her kids - he left. Apparently she can stay until the youngest kid is 18. My mate wants his 25k back - and cant get it.

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

See what you mean. Almost toad in the hole but not quite. I’ll relay your commentary on linguistic selection back to him for due consideration.

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He needs to be prepared for the wurst.

Best policy. Don't think, don't ask questions, don't get involved. Agree to everything and don't listen. Everything will work out splendidly.

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Originally Posted by pipster

"Before meetng him she cut off from her previous piece of pork on her terms and left his house."

Does your cousin own his own hom e? if he does then the it sounds to me like she is house hunting - looking to marry - then divorce and take half the house. It happens far more often than you think.

And has just happened to my mates son. My mate gave his son 25k to help with a deposit on a house. He met a girl, she was working in very low paid job - but she was pretty. He fell for her - she got pregnant (her second child), they got married - within 9 months she wants and got a divorce. She stayed in the house with her kids - he left. Apparently she can stay until the youngest kid is 18. My mate wants his 25k back - and cant get it.

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Terrible, but of course we've only heard one side of the story, it is true you gift to your kids at your peril the next bird/bloke could easily end up with half or all of it.

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Originally Posted by pipster

"Before meetng him she cut off from her previous piece of pork on her terms and left his house."

Does your cousin own his own hom e? if he does then the it sounds to me like she is house hunting - looking to marry - then divorce and take half the house. It happens far more often than you think.

And has just happened to my mates son. My mate gave his son 25k to help with a deposit on a house. He met a girl, she was working in very low paid job - but she was pretty. He fell for her - she got pregnant (her second child), they got married - within 9 months she wants and got a divorce. She stayed in the house with her kids - he left. Apparently she can stay until the youngest kid is 18. My mate wants his 25k back - and cant get it.

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I agree, mein chum. With house prices Al Whacko, nugget hunting has become a thing.

In this situation the lady left the ex-pork and she had only been with him two years. Yes he owned the bricks and mortar, and after two years she did have the “common law wife” nonsense situation, so she could have pulled the trigger. But honourably, she didn’t. Either she wasn’t aware of the law or she did the honourable thing and just left. So no track record to suggest she is a nugget-hunter, just yet. Not is she a big spender / credit card junkie, so she doesn’t seem to be nugget-focused.

She has been with cousin for four years, and lived with him for three. Technically again, she is common law wife and has rights to claim. So no kids yet, but he is vulnerable to common law claims. If she is aware, then in her mid Thirties she might pull the trigger this time. He has been in the house about ten years so he has made a fair bit of equity. I think it might get messy so I said he needs to strip his cash accounts and ISAs and put in parents accountsout of caution. Even consider re-mortgaging, strip out the equity and place it in a hiding place to protect himself. But he acts like Mother Theresa and because he is a nice guy he thinks others are. He can be a mug sometimes.

I advised him long ago to decide after two years if he is serious or recycle her to someone else. He doesn’t want kids (she does), and that rings alarm bells to me if anything. I said if all he wants is nookie-on-tap he should take my mate’s advice and just take a financial attitude to women by adopting a “portfolio approach”. Have 2-4 on the go. Nobody moves in - protect yourself from “common law wife exposure”. You also protect yourself from “withdrawing / dwindling sex risk” because if one of them withdraws the frequency of fish pie you just swap her out for another one. And if one calls it off, you have another 2-3 in play so you never go without. That would suit him. A bit Andrew Tate, but works for my mate. He gets nookie all the time and on his terms. All the control.

Anyway the nugget-losses aren’t cousin’s main concern. It’s the ex-pork assessment he is struggling with. Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends, I note. No problem for me, but it is where the women hang out with ex-pork that draws my concern. If ex-pork is texting she might be doing the decent thing and ignoring. But if she is responding, or is out with ex-pork, I would say cut your losses and cut the cord immediately with no further questions asked. I cut all ties with former fish pies out of respect for other half.

But currently there is no evidence of cousin’s filth responding to the ex-pork, nor even visiting him, so is there a real reason for concern, other than the difference over wanting nippers?

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Originally Posted by North Cardiff Blue

Terrible, but of course we've only heard one side of the story, it is true you gift to your kids at your peril the next bird/bloke could easily end up with half or all of it.

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You can set up trusts for that. I have covered that one. Clever ways of nailing that if you ask the right questions 👍 Nugget hunters can be cut out if capital-hunting off someone else’s back

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Originally Posted by North Cardiff Blue

Terrible, but of course we've only heard one side of the story, it is true you gift to your kids at your peril the next bird/bloke could easily end up with half or all of it.

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I have helped family to avoid those and it worked. I am not a solicitor or anything, but just by getting a
good one and saying “I want my will protected from this person, that situation, this attempt etc.”

I had two people in my family by nugget hunters marrying in to the family. In a third situation I recovered a loss post-will. Now three other family
members sat down with me and I helped them bullet proof their wills just by posing many possible scenarios to them and asking what would they want to happen in that situation, and their lawyer did it.

It needs thought though, because nugget-hunters are like rats. They will find the gaps in the wall and fight like hell. And when a family members with money die, people’s behaviours can (and will) change, and you see a side of them they always kept concealed. Amazing how many “nice people” turn into Darth Vader when a free money-grab is available.

Post death situations in family, and divorces, where
money is involved brings out all sorts of hyenas and rats. It’s amazing to watch, and sad / pitiful for the people mugged off. You have to be savvy, streetwise and cynical in those situations for sure.

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Originally Posted by Tuerto

Best policy. Don't think, don't ask questions, don't get involved. Agree to everything and don't listen. Everything will work out splendidly.

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Ive got a mate like this, if you speak to him about anything remotely serious he'll watch words come out of your mouth but he won't be listening to you and as soon as he has the chance to speak he'll blatantly change the subject on to something else. Funnily enough things always work out splendidly for him as well!!

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

I agree, mein chum. With house prices Al Whacko, nugget hunting has become a thing.

In this situation the lady left the ex-pork and she had only been with him two years. Yes he owned the bricks and mortar, and after two years she did have the “common law wife” nonsense situation, so she could have pulled the trigger. But honourably, she didn’t. Either she wasn’t aware of the law or she did the honourable thing and just left. So no track record to suggest she is a nugget-hunter, just yet. Not is she a big spender / credit card junkie, so she doesn’t seem to be nugget-focused.

She has been with cousin for four years, and lived with him for three. Technically again, she is common law wife and has rights to claim. So no kids yet, but he is vulnerable to common law claims. If she is aware, then in her mid Thirties she might pull the trigger this time. He has been in the house about ten years so he has made a fair bit of equity. I think it might get messy so I said he needs to strip his cash accounts and ISAs and put in parents accountsout of caution. Even consider re-mortgaging, strip out the equity and place it in a hiding place to protect himself. But he acts like Mother Theresa and because he is a nice guy he thinks others are. He can be a mug sometimes.

I advised him long ago to decide after two years if he is serious or recycle her to someone else. He doesn’t want kids (she does), and that rings alarm bells to me if anything. I said if all he wants is nookie-on-tap he should take my mate’s advice and just take a financial attitude to women by adopting a “portfolio approach”. Have 2-4 on the go. Nobody moves in - protect yourself from “common law wife exposure”. You also protect yourself from “withdrawing / dwindling sex risk” because if one of them withdraws the frequency of fish pie you just swap her out for another one. And if one calls it off, you have another 2-3 in play so you never go without. That would suit him. A bit Andrew Tate, but works for my mate. He gets nookie all the time and on his terms. All the control.

Anyway the nugget-losses aren’t cousin’s main concern. It’s the ex-pork assessment he is struggling with. Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends, I note. No problem for me, but it is where the women hang out with ex-pork that draws my concern. If ex-pork is texting she might be doing the decent thing and ignoring. But if she is responding, or is out with ex-pork, I would say cut your losses and cut the cord immediately with no further questions asked. I cut all ties with former fish pies out of respect for other half.

But currently there is no evidence of cousin’s filth responding to the ex-pork, nor even visiting him, so is there a real reason for concern, other than the difference over wanting nippers?

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There are no 'common law wife' (or husband) rights to claim.

They do not exist in England, Northern Ireland or Wales! They barely exist in Scotland.

https://www.mfgsolicitors.com/site/b...u-need-to-know

https://www.legalandgeneral.com/insu...-law-marriage/

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advic...n-law-marriage

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

I agree, mein chum. With house prices Al Whacko, nugget hunting has become a thing.

In this situation the lady left the ex-pork and she had only been with him two years. Yes he owned the bricks and mortar, and after two years she did have the “common law wife” nonsense situation, so she could have pulled the trigger. But honourably, she didn’t. Either she wasn’t aware of the law or she did the honourable thing and just left. So no track record to suggest she is a nugget-hunter, just yet. Not is she a big spender / credit card junkie, so she doesn’t seem to be nugget-focused.

She has been with cousin for four years, and lived with him for three. Technically again, she is common law wife and has rights to claim. So no kids yet, but he is vulnerable to common law claims. If she is aware, then in her mid Thirties she might pull the trigger this time. He has been in the house about ten years so he has made a fair bit of equity. I think it might get messy so I said he needs to strip his cash accounts and ISAs and put in parents accountsout of caution. Even consider re-mortgaging, strip out the equity and place it in a hiding place to protect himself. But he acts like Mother Theresa and because he is a nice guy he thinks others are. He can be a mug sometimes.

I advised him long ago to decide after two years if he is serious or recycle her to someone else. He doesn’t want kids (she does), and that rings alarm bells to me if anything. I said if all he wants is nookie-on-tap he should take my mate’s advice and just take a financial attitude to women by adopting a “portfolio approach”. Have 2-4 on the go. Nobody moves in - protect yourself from “common law wife exposure”. You also protect yourself from “withdrawing / dwindling sex risk” because if one of them withdraws the frequency of fish pie you just swap her out for another one. And if one calls it off, you have another 2-3 in play so you never go without. That would suit him. A bit Andrew Tate, but works for my mate. He gets nookie all the time and on his terms. All the control.

Anyway the nugget-losses aren’t cousin’s main concern. It’s the ex-pork assessment he is struggling with. Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends, I note. No problem for me, but it is where the women hang out with ex-pork that draws my concern. If ex-pork is texting she might be doing the decent thing and ignoring. But if she is responding, or is out with ex-pork, I would say cut your losses and cut the cord immediately with no further questions asked. I cut all ties with former fish pies out of respect for other half.

But currently there is no evidence of cousin’s filth responding to the ex-pork, nor even visiting him, so is there a real reason for concern, other than the difference over wanting nippers?

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And they say romance is dead...

"Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends"

Isn't this going to pretty much even out?

He can have my wife while I build my Ultimate team.

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Originally Posted by lardy

"Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends"

Isn't this going to pretty much even out?

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Have you seen the numbers of single males that don't interact with females?

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Originally Posted by B. Oddie

He can have my wife while I build my Ultimate team.

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I miss my ps4

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Originally Posted by Dembe

Ive got a mate like this, if you speak to him about anything remotely serious he'll watch words come out of your mouth but he won't be listening to you and as soon as he has the chance to speak he'll blatantly change the subject on to something else. Funnily enough things always work out splendidly for him as well!!

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I'm an expert at it. Work colleagues especially. I can blank anything out, i pretty much do things the way i want them to be done. Years of trying to please other people doesn't get you anywhere, in fact it causes more grief. So, do it your way. One thing i've learnt is that there's only around three people in most of our lives who actually give a shit and who would be their for you if the shit hit the fan. The rest are there when things are easy. Look after those people, because you'll need them one day :thumbup:

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Originally Posted by Tuerto

I'm an expert at it. Work colleagues especially. I can blank anything out, i pretty much do things the way i want them to be done. Years of trying to please other people doesn't get you anywhere, in fact it causes more grief. So, do it your way. One thing i've learnt is that there's only around three people in most of our lives who actually give a shit and who would be their for you if the shit hit the fan. The rest are there when things are easy. Look after those people, because you'll need them one day :thumbup:

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The numbers will vary from person to person but people-pleasing, unless you work in customer services, ain’t a recipe for a happy life.

Any young person reading this page - digest Tuerto’s comments. Should be part of a “Realist’s Handbook of Life”.

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

The numbers will vary from person to person but people-pleasing, unless you work in customer services, ain’t a recipe for a happy life.

Any young person reading this page - digest Tuerto’s comments. Should be part of a “Realist’s Handbook of Life”.

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I know that i digress, although a thread on what we have all learnt about life as we have aged would be interesting. Think of all of that time spent worrying over shit that never happened. That's one for a start. Anyway, back on topic :thumbup:

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Originally Posted by Tuerto

I know that i digress, although a thread on what we have all learnt about life as we have aged would be interesting. Think of all of that time spent worrying over shit that never happened. That's one for a start. Anyway, back on topic :thumbup:

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100% “A Life’s Lessons - What would you share to youngsters” thread. That’s a great call. Don’t think I have ever seen one

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

100% “A Life’s Lessons - What would you share to youngsters” thread. That’s a great call. Don’t think I have ever seen one

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I've done one like that, and what would you change in your life if you had a time machine, something like that anyway.

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Originally Posted by Tuerto

I'm an expert at it. Work colleagues especially. I can blank anything out, i pretty much do things the way i want them to be done. Years of trying to please other people doesn't get you anywhere, in fact it causes more grief. So, do it your way. One thing i've learnt is that there's only around three people in most of our lives who actually give a shit and who would be their for you if the shit hit the fan. The rest are there when things are easy. Look after those people, because you'll need them one day :thumbup:

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It takes a while to figure out, but that's basically how I live now. Ive left behind a few stragglers ive tried to lift up along the way. Can't keep wasting my own time.

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Originally Posted by ninian opinian

And there you have it, this post is an example of why this MB is going down hill rapidly. Mike can you get rid of these WUM’s please?

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I entirely agree.

Callous and casual misogynism, by a WUM who thinks he is much more articulate than he is.

The language he uses is deliberately inflammatory.

I am disappointed that intelligent posters like TBG and one or two others have responded to him.

He's an attention-seeking nuisance.

The story he tells is nothing but a lie. But why should it be on a football meassageboard?

Get a grip, moderators. If there are any.

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Originally Posted by rich munn

I entirely agree.

Callous and casual misogynism, by a WUM who thinks he is much more articulate than he is.

The language he uses is deliberately inflammatory.

I am disappointed that intelligent posters like TBG and one or two others have responded to him.

He's an attention-seeking nuisance.

The story he tells is nothing but a lie. But why should it be on a football meassageboard?

Get a grip, moderators. If there are any.

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You'd be better off not opening any threads by people you perceive to be wind ups.

Alternatively just lighten up a bit and realise the board is for everyone and not everything on here is going to be to your liking.

I would especially not reply.

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Originally Posted by rich munn

I entirely agree.

Callous and casual misogynism, by a WUM who thinks he is much more articulate than he is.

The language he uses is deliberately inflammatory.

I am disappointed that intelligent posters like TBG and one or two others have responded to him.

He's an attention-seeking nuisance.

The story he tells is nothing but a lie. But why should it be on a football meassageboard?

Get a grip, moderators. If there are any.

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It's bollocks and we all know it is.

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Originally Posted by Keyser Soze

I agree, mein chum. With house prices Al Whacko, nugget hunting has become a thing.

In this situation the lady left the ex-pork and she had only been with him two years. Yes he owned the bricks and mortar, and after two years she did have the “common law wife” nonsense situation, so she could have pulled the trigger. But honourably, she didn’t. Either she wasn’t aware of the law or she did the honourable thing and just left. So no track record to suggest she is a nugget-hunter, just yet. Not is she a big spender / credit card junkie, so she doesn’t seem to be nugget-focused.

She has been with cousin for four years, and lived with him for three. Technically again, she is common law wife and has rights to claim. So no kids yet, but he is vulnerable to common law claims. If she is aware, then in her mid Thirties she might pull the trigger this time. He has been in the house about ten years so he has made a fair bit of equity. I think it might get messy so I said he needs to strip his cash accounts and ISAs and put in parents accountsout of caution. Even consider re-mortgaging, strip out the equity and place it in a hiding place to protect himself. But he acts like Mother Theresa and because he is a nice guy he thinks others are. He can be a mug sometimes.

I advised him long ago to decide after two years if he is serious or recycle her to someone else. He doesn’t want kids (she does), and that rings alarm bells to me if anything. I said if all he wants is nookie-on-tap he should take my mate’s advice and just take a financial attitude to women by adopting a “portfolio approach”. Have 2-4 on the go. Nobody moves in - protect yourself from “common law wife exposure”. You also protect yourself from “withdrawing / dwindling sex risk” because if one of them withdraws the frequency of fish pie you just swap her out for another one. And if one calls it off, you have another 2-3 in play so you never go without. That would suit him. A bit Andrew Tate, but works for my mate. He gets nookie all the time and on his terms. All the control.

Anyway the nugget-losses aren’t cousin’s main concern. It’s the ex-pork assessment he is struggling with. Women are more likely to have male friends than men have women friends, I note. No problem for me, but it is where the women hang out with ex-pork that draws my concern. If ex-pork is texting she might be doing the decent thing and ignoring. But if she is responding, or is out with ex-pork, I would say cut your losses and cut the cord immediately with no further questions asked. I cut all ties with former fish pies out of respect for other half.

But currently there is no evidence of cousin’s filth responding to the ex-pork, nor even visiting him, so is there a real reason for concern, other than the difference over wanting nippers?

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There is no such thing in law as a "common law wife situation". A common law wife /long term partner has no legal rights whatsoever where no children are involved.

My advice would be for your cousin to have an open and honest conversation with his partner about his feelings and suspicions. That's one thing I learned in life. Don't keep it to yourself, or you'll blow up.

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Originally Posted by blackrock bluebird

My advice would be for your cousin to have an open and honest conversation with his partner about his feelings and suspicions. That's one thing I learned in life. Don't keep it to yourself, or you'll blow up.

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Or, while it might sound far-fetched to some, there's a belief that souls can be connected across lifetimes. It's like a cosmic bond that transcends time and space. So, if your cousin feels a deep connection with his partner, perhaps everything will be alright. Tell him to look for signs. Some of them are covered in this article: deja vu when they're together, matching birthmarks or scars - these could be clues of a deeper connection.