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Thread: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

  1. #1

    Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    I have carer for my old man through alzheimers till his passing four years ago and last year my old dear went right downhill with frequent urine infections that make her confused and deluded .

    I am downstairs at 2 AM watching forensic detectives or whatever it is and hear an almighty crash


    Race up to where my old dear lives and she fallen and banged her head

    Got her up onto bed , egg sized lump already on her forehead

    Phoned out of hours gp service , they advised she comes into hospital , she doesnt want to go so they phone back in an hour and a nurse assesses her as ok but tells me to phone gp in morning

    I get to bed at half four

    Up at 8 to phone gp , ite 1254 now and she's just been , checked her over and reckons another urine infection

    She gets one every other month and if it isn't that its the shits or she wets herself

    Very sad for her , bloody exhausting for me

    I had a date tonight too

  2. #2

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.

  3. #3

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    What comes round goes round mate, I hope your next fishing trip is wall to wall fish of a size that makes your heart thump.

  4. #4

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Taunton Blue Genie View Post
    Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.
    Yes, agreed. Looking after an elderly relative can be exhausting but also demanding emotionally.

  5. #5

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Taunton Blue Genie View Post
    Good on you for being there for her, Sludge.
    Its this or a home

    Carers are great mind

  6. #6

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    What comes round goes round mate, I hope your next fishing trip is wall to wall fish of a size that makes your heart thump.
    Probably be a little tiddler

  7. #7

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Swiss Peter View Post
    Yes, agreed. Looking after an elderly relative can be exhausting but also demanding emotionally.
    belong to a carers support group , everybody says the same and it always seems to be left to one relative

  8. #8

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    I have carer for my old man through alzheimers till his passing four years ago and last year my old dear went right downhill with frequent urine infections that make her confused and deluded .

    I am downstairs at 2 AM watching forensic detectives or whatever it is and hear an almighty crash


    Race up to where my old dear lives and she fallen and banged her head

    Got her up onto bed , egg sized lump already on her forehead

    Phoned out of hours gp service , they advised she comes into hospital , she doesnt want to go so they phone back in an hour and a nurse assesses her as ok but tells me to phone gp in morning

    I get to bed at half four

    Up at 8 to phone gp , ite 1254 now and she's just been , checked her over and reckons another urine infection

    She gets one every other month and if it isn't that its the shits or she wets herself

    Very sad for her , bloody exhausting for me

    I had a date tonight too
    Not that it would have helped at that time of night but do you have a care package set up for her?

    My wife has one

  9. #9

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Its our duty to look after those who are or elders they have done so much for us and bern through more than us

  10. #10

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    As someone mentioned earlier, a care package would be useful. Not only to help with your mum, but also to ease the burden on yourself. Being a carer is exhausting.

  11. #11

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Elwood Blues View Post
    Not that it would have helped at that time of night but do you have a care package set up for her?

    My wife has one
    Yes have a social worker , carers in three times a day and two carers sitting sessions twice a week

    Sisters do f all , friends and neighbours soon drift away , relatives the same

    Going to push for more help from social services , she needs it

  12. #12

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by The Bloop View Post
    As someone mentioned earlier, a care package would be useful. Not only to help with your mum, but also to ease the burden on yourself. Being a carer is exhausting.
    it is when you have sisters like mine mate , useless pair

  13. #13

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.

  14. #14

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
    As tough as it is, there's no shame in admitting you're struggling to cope. Safety should be paramount and both your wife's and your own lives should get better if she goes into care.
    We're at the other end of the scale, in that we have a severely disabled child. We used to have carers visit 12 hours a week, mainly to enable us to go to work. We also used to have overnight respite once a month, but that service is no longer available. We stopped our carers in March (I'm shielding) but we're just about coping (work have been very good to us), but we know plenty of other parents in our position who are struggling big time at the moment.

  15. #15

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Good on you Sludge for being there for your Mam x

  16. #16

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
    I forgot to mention we have been together for 51 years.

  17. #17

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
    Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
    by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
    She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
    She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
    Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
    Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
    i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
    If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
    Again all the best

  18. #18

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    My wife and I have been together through thick and thin but two years ago Alzheimers decided to pay her a visit, the last two years have been character building to say the least.I have been trying to put things off for as long as I can bur recently she has got so bad Im not sure I can cope any longer so I am going to have to look at getting her into care unfortunately, I have tried everything else and I am now getting worried for my own safety, Im feeling so guilty about it but there isn't any other way. I am trying to hang in there as long as I can though.
    Alzheimers is dreadful mate , was caring for my old man for 6 years but couldn't go on any longer , he died in a home in bridgend

    Take care mate

  19. #19

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by The Bloop View Post
    As tough as it is, there's no shame in admitting you're struggling to cope. Safety should be paramount and both your wife's and your own lives should get better if she goes into care.
    We're at the other end of the scale, in that we have a severely disabled child. We used to have carers visit 12 hours a week, mainly to enable us to go to work. We also used to have overnight respite once a month, but that service is no longer available. We stopped our carers in March (I'm shielding) but we're just about coping (work have been very good to us), but we know plenty of other parents in our position who are struggling big time at the moment.
    people worse off than me thats for sure

  20. #20

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by valleys caveman View Post
    Good on you Sludge for being there for your Mam x
    shes nor ready to go yet

  21. #21

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Packerman View Post
    Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
    by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
    She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
    She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
    Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
    Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
    i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
    If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
    Again all the best
    mirrors my old man me and my mum did our best for him

    It made me puke listening to my sister saying what a great dad he was

    Both my sisters did no caring at all for dad and they do no caring for mum

    You gotta do whats right

  22. #22

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Packerman View Post
    Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
    by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
    She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
    She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
    Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
    Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
    i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
    If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
    Again all the best
    Top Man.

  23. #23

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    people worse off than me thats for sure
    Being a carer isnt a game of Top Trumps 🙂 We've learnt along the way, that the amount of help you get isnt always determined by what you need. Quite often its determined by how loud you shout to those who make the decisions.

  24. #24

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by Packerman View Post
    Hi mate feel your pain, my partner was diagnosed with alzheimer's in 2012 and i cared for her almost single handed for 6 years, loved her to bits and felt no one could look after her and love her like i did.
    by autumn 2017 it was apparent i couldn't cope anymore and we (myself and her adult children) made the agonising decision to look for a care home for her.
    She went into care in Jan 2018 (a day i still think about all to often)
    She was well looks after but in the summer stopped being able to eat and drink and passed away in July 2018.
    Miss her every day but have great memories and did the very best i could for her,
    Don't feel guilty you obviously have reached the point where you can't hang on any longer,
    i was in the same position and held out to long really for the reasons stated above
    If you know in your heart you did the best you could/can you have to let go and let the experts take up her care,
    Again all the best
    Reading all these post have made me realize how lucky i am.Massive big respect to all of you.

  25. #25

    Re: Looking after elderly folk , what a nightmare

    Being a carer is a tough job. Whatever level of care you need to administer.

    Respect to all.

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