What advice would you give your sixteen year old self?

[Citizen's Nephew]

All I can say is, I had an issue and it began to dominate my thoughts in a negative way.

The hardest part for me was to let go of the negative thoughts of the past. I would say that for me, that was the hardest part of the process, but I had to do it. It was difficult, but once done the rest began to make sense.

I hope everything works out for you

EDIT... I meant to reply to Citizens Nephew

👍

[Taunton Blue Genie]

I would say that you need to bear in mind that life is a series of peak and troughs in the long run. Don't get carried away during the peaks and don't lose hope during the troughs.

[Dembe]

When the time is right ...yes..but i'm sure that you , just like me know someone that has a kid with someone that wasn't meant to be. The kid is shared between two homes, the parents are at each others throats for every single mistake they make...wear a fekkin condom until you are 100% sure they are the love of your life.

And miss out on raising a lovely kid? Nah.

[Keyser Soze]

I would say that you need to bear in mind that life is a series of peak and troughs in the long run. Don't get carried away during the peaks and don't lose hope during the troughs.

Very Zen Buddhist. This is one of my favourites too, for the serious parts of life

[Nobody's Rep]

Life's a bitch then you marry one then you die so set your expectations low and end up with a life full of surprises 👍👍😂

[North Cardiff Blue]

I would say that you need to bear in mind that life is a series of peak and troughs in the long run. Don't get carried away during the peaks and don't lose hope during the troughs.

Sounds like a football quote, then focus on the next day/game and take them as they come.

[Keyser Soze]

You often see two schools of thought on how to live your life. Either side of my family advised both extremes as a kid:

1. “Live for today, you may not see tomorrow”.

Often this line leads to drinking, smoking, a lack of care and taking risks you don’t need to take. Far from enjoying every day, it may shorten your life through ill health or making large errors. A popular line in Irish life, it assumes a futile view of the world, and a short life, so screw all life planning.

2. “If you work hard and save hard you will make it rich”.

A very Texan way to see the world. Enough to bore a youngster into submission by removing all day to day joy. Assumes fun is put to the wayside and a rought implicit guarantee that you will be loaded by 40 if you work hard. The trouble with this is that many street cleaners, Mc Donalds workers, teachers and coal miners worked hard, but are still doing the same job later in life, living in the same modest house. You can also be a hard worker but illiterate, a poor communicator, introverted or a poor networker - and a lack of these soft skills can see you remain a hard working old fogie wondering why life wasn’t kind, and where it all went. It also fails to account that success in life means being to the top of the pyramid, and not everyone can be at the top. In fact those at the top by a definition of a pyramid, are the small narrow part. The “guarantee” is a false hope for many. It can lead to pressure and frustration with personal failure and jealousy, or a comparison with others.


MY ADVICE…

So the line I live by since 19 years of age was one given to my by an a contact from New York. He came from an Eastern European Jewish family. The system was simple. His line was:

“LIFE IS JUST A GAME OF POKER.”

Key Principles:

1. You are dealt a set of cards in life. As in poker, everyone is different, and so everyone dealt a set of cards.

2. Don’t whinge about your cards. You cannot control what you are dealt. That will only create bitterness. You can decide if they are good or bad, but complaining to the dealer won’t change it

3. Play the cards as best as you can. That is all you can do. Size up your odds and play each round

4. As in poker there are no guarantees if you play well that you win. As with poker, it is a game of probabilities. It is highly likely that good decisions or good luck will improve your hand. But bad luck, bad decisions and even good decisions that didn’t work out well can blow you out. So get good at thinking in probabilities and decision making.

As there are no guarantee of outcomes, all you can do is get to the end of the game and draw satisfaction you played your hand as best as you can. If you have done that, then you have played a good game

IMPACT ON MY LIFE

For me this was genius advice. I am in my Forties l. I have had some downs (two big ones) but more ups. But I started off broke on a council estate. Now into my forties I am a multi-mill, have navigated several companies structures for promotions, am self taught in many subject areas, have travelled to 40 or more countries, am am multi lingual and handle my own investments and trading. I don’t need to work anymore but keep doing so just because the challenge of achieving more and making my numbers bigger each year. It keeps me alive and sharp. That success doesn’t define me and doesn’t make me special, compared to an oligarch or Jeff Bezos. I enjoy a simple pint and a pasty like the next guy. But I improved my lot in life so the system worked for me.

Am I satisfied? Most days yes, but many days I regret not investing in property more or buying US tech stocks in the 2000s. I regret not taking bigger risks whenI was young. I also regret moving away too early and not being there for elderly family when I could have helped. I have ended very healthy female relationships and discarded them, and some friends, deliberately so, to achieve my goals. But my goals were defined early and I got there and beyond. I have to accept the losses I accepted along the way as the price of that. We all have regrets. But you cannot dwell on it.

Nowadays I get as much pleasure helping struggling youngster, or graduates who are high IQ (but don’t have these life skills). Only in recent weeks another youngster has benefitted by seeing life this way. It is rewarding to see others succeed. It isn’t a guarantee this way, but it is the best system I know.

[xsnaggle]

You often see two schools of thought on how to live your life. Either side of my family advised both extremes as a kid:

1. “Live for today, you may not see tomorrow”.

Often this line leads to drinking, smoking, a lack of care and taking risks you don’t need to take. Far from enjoying every day, it may shorten your life through ill health or making large errors. A popular line in Irish life, it assumes a futile view of the world, and a short life, so screw all life planning.

2. “If you work hard and save hard you will make it rich”.

A very Texan way to see the world. Enough to bore a youngster into submission by removing all day to day joy. Assumes fun is put to the wayside and a rought implicit guarantee that you will be loaded by 40 if you work hard. The trouble with this is that many street cleaners, Mc Donalds workers, teachers and coal miners worked hard, but are still doing the same job later in life, living in the same modest house. You can also be a hard worker but illiterate, a poor communicator, introverted or a poor networker - and a lack of these soft skills can see you remain a hard working old fogie wondering why life wasn’t kind, and where it all went. It also fails to account that success in life means being to the top of the pyramid, and not everyone can be at the top. In fact those at the top by a definition of a pyramid, are the small narrow part. The “guarantee” is a false hope for many. It can lead to pressure and frustration with personal failure and jealousy, or a comparison with others.


MY ADVICE…

So the line I live by since 19 years of age was one given to my by an a contact from New York. He came from an Eastern European Jewish family. The system was simple. His line was:

“LIFE IS JUST A GAME OF POKER.”

Key Principles:

1. You are dealt a set of cards in life. As in poker, everyone is different, and so everyone dealt a set of cards.

2. Don’t whinge about your cards. You cannot control what you are dealt. That will only create bitterness. You can decide if they are good or bad, but complaining to the dealer won’t change it

3. Play the cards as best as you can. That is all you can do. Size up your odds and play each round

4. As in poker there are no guarantees if you play well that you win. As with poker, it is a game of probabilities. It is highly likely that good decisions or good luck will improve your hand. But bad luck, bad decisions and even good decisions that didn’t work out well can blow you out. So get good at thinking in probabilities and decision making.

As there are no guarantee of outcomes, all you can do is get to the end of the game and draw satisfaction you played your hand as best as you can. If you have done that, then you have played a good game

IMPACT ON MY LIFE

For me this was genius advice. I am in my Forties l. I have had some downs (two big ones) but more ups. But I started off broke on a council estate. Now into my forties I am a multi-mill, have navigated several companies structures for promotions, am self taught in many subject areas, have travelled to 40 or more countries, am am multi lingual and handle my own investments and trading. I don’t need to work anymore but keep doing so just because the challenge of achieving more and making my numbers bigger each year. It keeps me alive and sharp. That success doesn’t define me and doesn’t make me special, compared to an oligarch or Jeff Bezos. I enjoy a simple pint and a pasty like the next guy. But I improved my lot in life so the system worked for me.

Am I satisfied? Most days yes, but many days I regret not investing in property more or buying US tech stocks in the 2000s. I regret not taking bigger risks whenI was young. I also regret moving away too early and not being there for elderly family when I could have helped. I have ended very healthy female relationships and discarded them, and some friends, deliberately so, to achieve my goals. But my goals were defined early and I got there and beyond. I have to accept the losses I accepted along the way as the price of that. We all have regrets. But you cannot dwell on it.

Nowadays I get as much pleasure helping struggling youngster, or graduates who are high IQ (but don’t have these life skills). Only in recent weeks another youngster has benefitted by seeing life this way. It is rewarding to see others succeed. It isn’t a guarantee this way, but it is the best system I know.

"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get next." ....... Forest Gump.

[North Cardiff Blue]

You often see two schools of thought on how to live your life. Either side of my family advised both extremes as a kid:

1. “Live for today, you may not see tomorrow”.

Often this line leads to drinking, smoking, a lack of care and taking risks you don’t need to take. Far from enjoying every day, it may shorten your life through ill health or making large errors. A popular line in Irish life, it assumes a futile view of the world, and a short life, so screw all life planning.

2. “If you work hard and save hard you will make it rich”.

A very Texan way to see the world. Enough to bore a youngster into submission by removing all day to day joy. Assumes fun is put to the wayside and a rought implicit guarantee that you will be loaded by 40 if you work hard. The trouble with this is that many street cleaners, Mc Donalds workers, teachers and coal miners worked hard, but are still doing the same job later in life, living in the same modest house. You can also be a hard worker but illiterate, a poor communicator, introverted or a poor networker - and a lack of these soft skills can see you remain a hard working old fogie wondering why life wasn’t kind, and where it all went. It also fails to account that success in life means being to the top of the pyramid, and not everyone can be at the top. In fact those at the top by a definition of a pyramid, are the small narrow part. The “guarantee” is a false hope for many. It can lead to pressure and frustration with personal failure and jealousy, or a comparison with others.


MY ADVICE…

So the line I live by since 19 years of age was one given to my by an a contact from New York. He came from an Eastern European Jewish family. The system was simple. His line was:

“LIFE IS JUST A GAME OF POKER.”

Key Principles:

1. You are dealt a set of cards in life. As in poker, everyone is different, and so everyone dealt a set of cards.

2. Don’t whinge about your cards. You cannot control what you are dealt. That will only create bitterness. You can decide if they are good or bad, but complaining to the dealer won’t change it

3. Play the cards as best as you can. That is all you can do. Size up your odds and play each round

4. As in poker there are no guarantees if you play well that you win. As with poker, it is a game of probabilities. It is highly likely that good decisions or good luck will improve your hand. But bad luck, bad decisions and even good decisions that didn’t work out well can blow you out. So get good at thinking in probabilities and decision making.

As there are no guarantee of outcomes, all you can do is get to the end of the game and draw satisfaction you played your hand as best as you can. If you have done that, then you have played a good game

IMPACT ON MY LIFE

For me this was genius advice. I am in my Forties l. I have had some downs (two big ones) but more ups. But I started off broke on a council estate. Now into my forties I am a multi-mill, have navigated several companies structures for promotions, am self taught in many subject areas, have travelled to 40 or more countries, am am multi lingual and handle my own investments and trading. I don’t need to work anymore but keep doing so just because the challenge of achieving more and making my numbers bigger each year. It keeps me alive and sharp. That success doesn’t define me and doesn’t make me special, compared to an oligarch or Jeff Bezos. I enjoy a simple pint and a pasty like the next guy. But I improved my lot in life so the system worked for me.

Am I satisfied? Most days yes, but many days I regret not investing in property more or buying US tech stocks in the 2000s. I regret not taking bigger risks whenI was young. I also regret moving away too early and not being there for elderly family when I could have helped. I have ended very healthy female relationships and discarded them, and some friends, deliberately so, to achieve my goals. But my goals were defined early and I got there and beyond. I have to accept the losses I accepted along the way as the price of that. We all have regrets. But you cannot dwell on it.

Nowadays I get as much pleasure helping struggling youngster, or graduates who are high IQ (but don’t have these life skills). Only in recent weeks another youngster has benefitted by seeing life this way. It is rewarding to see others succeed. It isn’t a guarantee this way, but it is the best system I know.

Great advice, I think I live by a similar ethos, I never worry about how much billionaires have, I set goals and got what I wanted quickly, you are correct if you set them and write them down, you achieve them ten times quicker than you thought you would.

[Dembe]

You often see two schools of thought on how to live your life. Either side of my family advised both extremes as a kid:

1. “Live for today, you may not see tomorrow”.

Often this line leads to drinking, smoking, a lack of care and taking risks you don’t need to take. Far from enjoying every day, it may shorten your life through ill health or making large errors. A popular line in Irish life, it assumes a futile view of the world, and a short life, so screw all life planning.

2. “If you work hard and save hard you will make it rich”.

A very Texan way to see the world. Enough to bore a youngster into submission by removing all day to day joy. Assumes fun is put to the wayside and a rought implicit guarantee that you will be loaded by 40 if you work hard. The trouble with this is that many street cleaners, Mc Donalds workers, teachers and coal miners worked hard, but are still doing the same job later in life, living in the same modest house. You can also be a hard worker but illiterate, a poor communicator, introverted or a poor networker - and a lack of these soft skills can see you remain a hard working old fogie wondering why life wasn’t kind, and where it all went. It also fails to account that success in life means being to the top of the pyramid, and not everyone can be at the top. In fact those at the top by a definition of a pyramid, are the small narrow part. The “guarantee” is a false hope for many. It can lead to pressure and frustration with personal failure and jealousy, or a comparison with others.


MY ADVICE…

So the line I live by since 19 years of age was one given to my by an a contact from New York. He came from an Eastern European Jewish family. The system was simple. His line was:

“LIFE IS JUST A GAME OF POKER.”

Key Principles:

1. You are dealt a set of cards in life. As in poker, everyone is different, and so everyone dealt a set of cards.

2. Don’t whinge about your cards. You cannot control what you are dealt. That will only create bitterness. You can decide if they are good or bad, but complaining to the dealer won’t change it

3. Play the cards as best as you can. That is all you can do. Size up your odds and play each round

4. As in poker there are no guarantees if you play well that you win. As with poker, it is a game of probabilities. It is highly likely that good decisions or good luck will improve your hand. But bad luck, bad decisions and even good decisions that didn’t work out well can blow you out. So get good at thinking in probabilities and decision making.

As there are no guarantee of outcomes, all you can do is get to the end of the game and draw satisfaction you played your hand as best as you can. If you have done that, then you have played a good game

IMPACT ON MY LIFE

For me this was genius advice. I am in my Forties l. I have had some downs (two big ones) but more ups. But I started off broke on a council estate. Now into my forties I am a multi-mill, have navigated several companies structures for promotions, am self taught in many subject areas, have travelled to 40 or more countries, am am multi lingual and handle my own investments and trading. I don’t need to work anymore but keep doing so just because the challenge of achieving more and making my numbers bigger each year. It keeps me alive and sharp. That success doesn’t define me and doesn’t make me special, compared to an oligarch or Jeff Bezos. I enjoy a simple pint and a pasty like the next guy. But I improved my lot in life so the system worked for me.

Am I satisfied? Most days yes, but many days I regret not investing in property more or buying US tech stocks in the 2000s. I regret not taking bigger risks whenI was young. I also regret moving away too early and not being there for elderly family when I could have helped. I have ended very healthy female relationships and discarded them, and some friends, deliberately so, to achieve my goals. But my goals were defined early and I got there and beyond. I have to accept the losses I accepted along the way as the price of that. We all have regrets. But you cannot dwell on it.

Nowadays I get as much pleasure helping struggling youngster, or graduates who are high IQ (but don’t have these life skills). Only in recent weeks another youngster has benefitted by seeing life this way. It is rewarding to see others succeed. It isn’t a guarantee this way, but it is the best system I know.

tldr; don't worry about what you can't control.

[Dublinblue]

Get out of that boarding school that is destroying you, if you can do so without getting thrown out by your parents. Go to Barry comp. Find yourself.

[Bluebirdman Of Alcathays]

MY ADVICE…

So the line I live by since 19 years of age was one given to my by an a contact from New York. He came from an Eastern European Jewish family. The system was simple. His line was:

“LIFE IS JUST A GAME OF POKER.”

Key Principles:

1. You are dealt a set of cards in life. As in poker, everyone is different, and so everyone dealt a set of cards.

2. Don’t whinge about your cards. You cannot control what you are dealt. That will only create bitterness. You can decide if they are good or bad, but complaining to the dealer won’t change it

3. Play the cards as best as you can. That is all you can do. Size up your odds and play each round

4. As in poker there are no guarantees if you play well that you win. As with poker, it is a game of probabilities. It is highly likely that good decisions or good luck will improve your hand. But bad luck, bad decisions and even good decisions that didn’t work out well can blow you out. So get good at thinking in probabilities and decision making.

As there are no guarantee of outcomes, all you can do is get to the end of the game and draw satisfaction you played your hand as best as you can. If you have done that, then you have played a good game

A fair crack at pinning things down but also personally interesting. I would answer the OP's question in terms of feeling comfortable with myself rather than achievement. Most of my life has been spent chasing ideals that I've been told are essential and I failed. I'm 54, single and have no real career to speak of and there are still dissenting voices that I haven't ticked "the right boxes" but what happens if some of us just aren't cut out for poker?

Is the advice one gives your 16 year old self merely about attainment or not worrying about the perceptions of an irrational, poker playing world? Or both?

[Keyser Soze]

A fair crack at pinning things down but also personally interesting. I would answer the OP's question in terms of feeling comfortable with myself rather than achievement. Most of my life has been spent chasing ideals that I've been told are essential and I failed. I'm 54, single and have no real career to speak of and there are still dissenting voices that I haven't ticked "the right boxes" but what happens if some of us just aren't cut out for poker?

Is the advice one gives your 16 year old self merely about attainment or not worrying about the perceptions of an irrational, poker playing world? Or both?

Sorry to hear that. I think perhaps you took my view as one about money only, but actually it is about happiness. It just so happened that money was one thing I needed to avoid unhappiness, but doesn't actually make me happy by itself.

I found I had too much going on in my in my head. I always this well, but too much and I go into analysis paralysis and get nothing done - then I can hit a wall. In remaining happy, and to keep moving forward, is best to write it all down. This has several benefits:

1. You can see and understand what can make you happy
2. You can identify your causes of happiness .
3. By doing the above, you can write some action plans to reduce your happiness, and increase behaviours that increase your happiness
4. Have a method to monitor your behaviours, and see if you are behaving and taking action often enough to reduce your unhappiness and increase your happiness.
5. Reflect on your plan and how you feel

How to begin? Shut off the TV and any distractions. Give yourself time as this is important. You start by ruminating with a clear mind, a pen an paper. You ask two things:

WHAT IS MAKING ME UNHAPPY?

The list might be something like 1-5....

1. I am unfit

A. Walk 5 miles by end of month 1
B 7 miles by end of month 2
C. jog 1 mile by month 3
D. jog 2 miles by month 3

2. I don't like my job

A. Think about why. Is it people, the skills, the place, the industry?
B. List actions to change the above that I can control (do a new course, move, change job, speak to people
on linked in etc.
C. Change my CV and get references
D. Apply for 20 jobs I want in Feb.
E. Another 20 by March

3. I don't have enough money
A. Reduce my savings
B. Do something to earn more money. 2nd job, or change my job, or identify steps with boss to get a rise /
promotion

4. I hate being stuck in the house all the time
A. Go for walks Monday. Jog on Tuesday. Gardening Wednesdays.

5. I feel alone
A. Go down the pub and say Hi to someone new each Friday
B. Join a new club. Try 1 new one in Jan. Get 3 phone numbers and invite out for coffee or beer
C. Join another club in Feb. Get 3 phone numbers and invite out for coffee or beer

6. I hate my mother in law
A. Visit her once each two months, not weekly

7. My friendship group depresses me as I cannot keep up with their spending habits
A. Reduce time with them
B. Build a new friendship groups via clubs with common interests

For each of the above, list the action plan you can do to get rid of those problems. Goals, actions and rough timelines of when you think you take action to correct the problematic issues. The above wasn't my list but shows an example of common problems (1-5) and actionable targets to correct each one (A-E with actionable targets). In following your actions things like "Fear of Rejection" might prevent you doing the actions such as inviting people out etc. Don't give a shit. Worst they can do is say "No." What you must do is not care about rejections or "no" responses. Take pride from the fact you are progressing through your action list as that is progress and it is just a matter of time before it lands and you feel better.


WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY? IF UNSURE, AS WHEN DO I REMEMBER BEING HAPPY? OR WHAT DO I THINK MIGHT MAKE ME HAPPY?

During my big "dips" when I suffered depression (one when I was 25 and one very bad one last summer) I had to re-think these. When I was 25 I had to think "When did I feel my happiest?" and also "What do I think will make me happy?". Last summer was more "This is crazy I have everything I could ever want, so why am I not happy?" (the answer was I had focused too much on a few major items, and the smaller "happies" I had neglected for years, so just had to get back on track, and re-focus my time).

That list could be totally different stuff, or might just be the opposite of the "Unhappy" list. It could be wanting t try new things. So a list could look like:

1. I love travelling. I need to travel more

A. Go to Scotland this year
B. Save and go to Malaysia next year

2. I miss my family
A. Phone a relative once every 2 weeks
B. Spend a weekend with family one weekend every two months

3. I love rock music
A. See my old band once a year and sign up for membership
B. Once a month listen to a new live band
C. Every weekend find an emerging band album and listen on Soundcloud

4. I love reading
A. Read a book for two hours a week
B. Read a newspaper three mornings a week

Same approach as the "Unhappy List". Identify actions to make them happen for each item, as per action list above (A, B, C etc.)

SCHEDULE YOUR TIME
Cut out the time spent on the unhappy things, or correct them. Schedule more time to target only on the actions from above list that make you happy and help reach your goals, or increase them a lot. I do this via my phone and pen and pad. So in your calendar on the wall / phone, split your time into:

A. POSITIVE TASK (makes you happy):
B. NEGATIVE TASK (makes you unhappy)

For example, 8-9 PM: NEGATIVE TASK : Visit Mother in Law.
POSITIVES TASK : Gym / Read / Music Club

PLAN & MONITOR YOUR ACTIONS / TIME & REFLECT ON PROGRESS
1. At the start of each week, plan your time. Now you have categorised the happy tasks and unhappy tasks, does it look more positive than negative tasks? Alter it until you have more happy tasks than unhappy tasks. If there are lot of unhappy tasks why on earth are you doing so much of it? This exercise alone will reveal the probable cause of why you are not as happy as you want to be.

2. At end of week did you complete them as planned?

3. At end of each week & month, assess all your "unhappiness" items (1-5). Are you progressing? It is making you feel better? If so, keep repeating it. If not, ask why? Is the list of happy / unhappy wrong? Did the actions fail? Did the actions succeed but it failed to make you better? Reflect regularly.

Now you have a repeatable process, you now have (at least in principle) have a method for ruthlessly managing and planning your life to make you happier or unhappier. Ultimately, money or no money, it is committing your time to managing your happiness that matters. Say "No" to the people and things that stop you managing your time that way. No excuses. Get ruthless.

Let me know if you get anything out of it or if its helpful. I hope it does. Your happiness should override anything else.
This works for me. It is your life and it isn't a dress rehearsal

[NYCBlue]

**** Sian.

[Keyser Soze]

Sorry to hear that. I think perhaps you took my view as one about money only, but actually it is about happiness. It just so happened that money was one thing I needed to avoid unhappiness, but doesn't actually make me happy by itself.

I found I had too much going on in my in my head. I always this well, but too much and I go into analysis paralysis and get nothing done - then I can hit a wall. In remaining happy, and to keep moving forward, is best to write it all down. This has several benefits:

1. You can see and understand what can make you happy
2. You can identify your causes of happiness .
3. By doing the above, you can write some action plans to reduce your happiness, and increase behaviours that increase your happiness
4. Have a method to monitor your behaviours, and see if you are behaving and taking action often enough to reduce your unhappiness and increase your happiness.
5. Reflect on your plan and how you feel

How to begin? Shut off the TV and any distractions. Give yourself time as this is important. You start by ruminating with a clear mind, a pen an paper. You ask two things:

WHAT IS MAKING ME UNHAPPY?

The list might be something like 1-5....

1. I am unfit

A. Walk 5 miles by end of month 1
B 7 miles by end of month 2
C. jog 1 mile by month 3
D. jog 2 miles by month 3

2. I don't like my job

A. Think about why. Is it people, the skills, the place, the industry?
B. List actions to change the above that I can control (do a new course, move, change job, speak to people
on linked in etc.
C. Change my CV and get references
D. Apply for 20 jobs I want in Feb.
E. Another 20 by March

3. I don't have enough money
A. Reduce my savings
B. Do something to earn more money. 2nd job, or change my job, or identify steps with boss to get a rise /
promotion

4. I hate being stuck in the house all the time
A. Go for walks Monday. Jog on Tuesday. Gardening Wednesdays.

5. I feel alone
A. Go down the pub and say Hi to someone new each Friday
B. Join a new club. Try 1 new one in Jan. Get 3 phone numbers and invite out for coffee or beer
C. Join another club in Feb. Get 3 phone numbers and invite out for coffee or beer

6. I hate my mother in law
A. Visit her once each two months, not weekly

7. My friendship group depresses me as I cannot keep up with their spending habits
A. Reduce time with them
B. Build a new friendship groups via clubs with common interests

For each of the above, list the action plan you can do to get rid of those problems. Goals, actions and rough timelines of when you think you take action to correct the problematic issues. The above wasn't my list but shows an example of common problems (1-5) and actionable targets to correct each one (A-E with actionable targets). In following your actions things like "Fear of Rejection" might prevent you doing the actions such as inviting people out etc. Don't give a shit. Worst they can do is say "No." What you must do is not care about rejections or "no" responses. Take pride from the fact you are progressing through your action list as that is progress and it is just a matter of time before it lands and you feel better.


WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY? IF UNSURE, AS WHEN DO I REMEMBER BEING HAPPY? OR WHAT DO I THINK MIGHT MAKE ME HAPPY?

During my big "dips" when I suffered depression (one when I was 25 and one very bad one last summer) I had to re-think these. When I was 25 I had to think "When did I feel my happiest?" and also "What do I think will make me happy?". Last summer was more "This is crazy I have everything I could ever want, so why am I not happy?" (the answer was I had focused too much on a few major items, and the smaller "happies" I had neglected for years, so just had to get back on track, and re-focus my time).

That list could be totally different stuff, or might just be the opposite of the "Unhappy" list. It could be wanting t try new things. So a list could look like:

1. I love travelling. I need to travel more

A. Go to Scotland this year
B. Save and go to Malaysia next year

2. I miss my family
A. Phone a relative once every 2 weeks
B. Spend a weekend with family one weekend every two months

3. I love rock music
A. See my old band once a year and sign up for membership
B. Once a month listen to a new live band
C. Every weekend find an emerging band album and listen on Soundcloud

4. I love reading
A. Read a book for two hours a week
B. Read a newspaper three mornings a week

Same approach as the "Unhappy List". Identify actions to make them happen for each item, as per action list above (A, B, C etc.)

SCHEDULE YOUR TIME
Cut out the time spent on the unhappy things, or correct them. Schedule more time to target only on the actions from above list that make you happy and help reach your goals, or increase them a lot. I do this via my phone and pen and pad. So in your calendar on the wall / phone, split your time into:

A. POSITIVE TASK (makes you happy):
B. NEGATIVE TASK (makes you unhappy)

For example, 8-9 PM: NEGATIVE TASK : Visit Mother in Law.
POSITIVES TASK : Gym / Read / Music Club

PLAN & MONITOR YOUR ACTIONS / TIME & REFLECT ON PROGRESS
1. At the start of each week, plan your time. Now you have categorised the happy tasks and unhappy tasks, does it look more positive than negative tasks? Alter it until you have more happy tasks than unhappy tasks. If there are lot of unhappy tasks why on earth are you doing so much of it? This exercise alone will reveal the probable cause of why you are not as happy as you want to be.

2. At end of week did you complete them as planned?

3. At end of each week & month, assess all your "unhappiness" items (1-5). Are you progressing? It is making you feel better? If so, keep repeating it. If not, ask why? Is the list of happy / unhappy wrong? Did the actions fail? Did the actions succeed but it failed to make you better? Reflect regularly.

Now you have a repeatable process, you now have (at least in principle) have a method for ruthlessly managing and planning your life to make you happier or unhappier. Ultimately, money or no money, it is committing your time to managing your happiness that matters. Say "No" to the people and things that stop you managing your time that way. No excuses. Get ruthless.

Let me know if you get anything out of it or if its helpful. I hope it does. Your happiness should override anything else.
This works for me. It is your life and it isn't a dress rehearsal

Also, I forgot to add a few final points:

*. Many people are restricted by time. Normal. So for the unhappy list to get moving, attack the items (and actions) in order of priority, and take action on the items that you think make you the most unhappy.

*. On the happy list, rank the items in order of what will make you the most happy first, or the ones that are more achievable first. Attack them first and you'll feel a positive payoff quicker.

The first few weeks are frustrating as not much happens. Chill! Pat yourself on the back for at least thinking about it, taking the time to plan it and TAKING ACTION to sort it. Congratulations.

That is more than most people in the world, regardless of whether they are rich or not, or happy or not. By having this in place you and DOING IT WEEKLY you can give yourself a huge pat on the back that you are at least "A Man With A Plan". The weekly planning and reflection keeps you on course every week. And as with any system, it is CONSISTENCY of using it that gets results, not stop-start. As will all plans, they take time to pay off so be patient with yourself. Don't worry about the end goals, just focus on the process (actions) and the results will come alter. But I found that once I implemented it, it took me only 4-6 weeks to start feeling better, getting results landing and getting back to my personal best.

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

You are wanking too much

Cut it out

[Keyser Soze]

You are wanking too much

Cut it out

Come come now fella. We have all had challenging moments. I love a joke and a windup as much as you, but a few dudes sharing positive experiences to help others is a good thing. Put some Black Sabbath on or something

Enjoy tomorrow.

[Bluebirdman Of Alcathays]

Sorry to hear that. I think perhaps you took my view as one about money only, but actually it is about happiness. It just so happened that money was one thing I needed to avoid unhappiness, but doesn't actually make me happy by itself.

Thanks but it's okay. One has to accept the shambolic times and try and see their value otherwise they wear you down (and they have but I'm sorting that out).

I wasn't solely taking the view that your post was about money; you mention some regret about relationships and friendships but also
missing out on investments, although that might be about the playing the game rather than the reward. I'm aware we're all fundamentally driven to find comfort and connection and the world can reward it in different ways. If you've done well then cool.

But the point I was trying to make is would you (or anyone) tell your 16 year old self how to get lucky or to learn the guitar (near enough the same thing back in the day but apparently not anymore) in order to fulfil ambition and status, or do you teach him to be more at ease with himself, to learn how to separate the white noise from the birdsong and whatever happens after that is part of the adventure?

(Maybe this is just a personal thing and everyone else never had that problem).

Kind of you to post all the guidance. I've been working on things for a good while now using various tools, mainly to try and dismantle bad old habits and cultivate new ones. Cheers though.

[Keyser Soze]

Thanks but it's okay. One has to accept the shambolic times and try and see their value otherwise they wear you down (and they have but I'm sorting that out).

I wasn't solely taking the view that your post was about money; you mention some regret about relationships and friendships but also
missing out on investments, although that might be about the playing the game rather than the reward. I'm aware we're all fundamentally driven to find comfort and connection and the world can reward it in different ways. If you've done well then cool.

But the point I was trying to make is would you (or anyone) tell your 16 year old self how to get lucky or to learn the guitar (near enough the same thing back in the day but apparently not anymore) in order to fulfil ambition and status, or do you teach him to be more at ease with himself, to learn how to separate the white noise from the birdsong and whatever happens after that is part of the adventure?

(Maybe this is just a personal thing and everyone else never had that problem).

Kind of you to post all the guidance. I've been working on things for a good while now using various tools, mainly to try and dismantle bad old habits and cultivate new ones. Cheers though.

I would ask why do you want to learn it at all? The actions should always be with a purpose. Is it for pleasure, or to be in a band? Or to be cool and keep up with mates? Ask the "Why?".

If it is because you want to have fun with your mates and it will get you tons of sex (both forms of happiness) then do it. If it is because you think the guitar is that it gives you pleasure or a sense of achievement (happiness) then do it. If it because you have ambition to be in a band then that is a life goal (happiness) so do it.

If it is just to keep up with mates and it is perceived to be cool and you don't want to be left out then seriously question is it worth it at all.

It is all about the "Why?". Act with a purpose, and act to achieve your goals / happiness, or to reduce happiness. But not "just because" or with no clear reason.

[Bluebirdman Of Alcathays]

I would ask why do you want to learn it at all? The actions should always be with a purpose. Is it for pleasure, or to be in a band? Or to be cool and keep up with mates? Ask the "Why?".

If it is because you want to have fun with your mates and it will get you tons of sex (both forms of happiness) then do it. If it is because you think the guitar is that it gives you pleasure or a sense of achievement (happiness) then do it. If it because you have ambition to be in a band then that is a life goal (happiness) so do it.

If it is just to keep up with mates and it is perceived to be cool and you don't want to be left out then seriously question is it worth it at all.

It is all about the "Why?". Act with a purpose, and act to achieve your goals / happiness, or to reduce happiness. But not "just because" or with no clear reason.

Okay, but some (remember, we're all only 16 and dopey) might not know the purpose, or that you might not even like guitars but they're fashionable and you've heard playing the guitar will impress women, that you think that'll make you happy until you join a band and get bottled off by skinheads and wind up lost on tour in Lincolnshire and the van breaks down and your diabetic bassist has no insulin and you think what am I doing here? It's about understanding purpose and finding what you want instead of having the bias of others flung at you.

The regret of drift: people have whole careers wondering how on Earth they got there.

[chris lee]

I like the poker analogy, It is very similar to my views.

I read a lot of stoicism and have two things I always come back to, first is a quote and then a visualising exercise.

My quote which I believe they use in AA meetings:
'Give me the serenity accept that which I can not change,
the courage to change the things the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.'


Then my visualising exercise is hard to to articulate but I will try briefly:
close your eyes and picture a vast endless ocean, Imagine life is just you and everybody else floating around in the middle of this ocean, mostly the water will be calm, however you have no way of knowing when the waves will come, or how bad the storm will be and how long it will last.
Therefore your only choice is to prepare the best you can when the sea is calm and hold on and ride through the storms when they hit. Everybody floating in the ocean will be hit by the same storm but their mindset and preparation will affect how they come through it.

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

Come come now fella. We have all had challenging moments. I love a joke and a windup as much as you, but a few dudes sharing positive experiences to help others is a good thing. Put some Black Sabbath on or something

Enjoy tomorrow.

I am saying that if I was giving my 16 year old self advice it would be to cut down on the wanking

Stand easy