Now first up I simply must get one's cards on the table in declaring that I am not a Royalist. That said, I am not a bloodthirsty "off their heads" Republican either. As a Welshman first and foremost, every time I see them I think of the fact that the Royals are a German-Dutch bunch of usurpers, having stolen the "King of Britons" title that belonged the original inhabitants and rulers of Wales, England and Southern Scotland: that is to say, the Welsh. But that is historic. We are where we are.

I see Meghan Markle and Harry are the subject of Omid Scobie's royal gawping and scribbling. Seriously, why waste his time on these cretins? These are two socially retarded, cheap, spoilt brats who have so little dignity and class left that they would be prepared to bend over in front of a hallway mirror to present their very deepest arse-hair on a live webcam, in order to get a window of publicity, and grab another dollar. There doesn't seem to be a level they will not stoop to. They think the world owes them a living - and a title. Meghan's spectrum of truth-telling ability seems to waver from "a big fat lie" at the gentle end, to "Colossal, humungous, king sized pile of evil venom" at the worst end. I wouldn't dump on her if she was on fire. Correct for once, even the horse-headed Camilla was correct in calling her Princess Pinocchio, and I am not a fan of that particular husband-grabber either.

That said. Omid Scobie. Just look at him. I laugh every time I see him. What an absolute sorry state of a mess. Barely looks like he is out of university, at the age of 42 apparently. If you were Gillette he wouldn't be your strongest customer would he? I reckon my 10 year old daughter has more hairs than him. And who the Jonny Fu-ck would pony up their hard-earned coins to buy this little weasel's pile of pages? Looks vegan, and probably farts like one, as there is more meat on a turkey's lip. He looks like a right Squealing Mary of a whinger doesn't he? He has such a ridiculous face to look at that I just have to exit the web page I find him so visually offensive. Seriously. One is pretty confident I would find more truth and intellectual value in reading a 1980s prospectus by a cockney salesman for a time share in Tenerife. What a pile of dung.

That is one book I shall not be reading. If it appears in my Santa's stocking I shall open the cover and let the moths have a go. Might keep the bastards away from my £100 shirts, which they seem to be taking an interest in at the moment. Coming to think of it, perhaps Omid can make himself more useful and interview the moths and ask why are they bothering me so much at the moment. One to ponder....