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Re: It's time to get fitter and shape up ......advice for a salad dodger please
Unfortunately, I've known Sludge much longer than most people around here have, since his mid-teens in fact.
By the time he approached his 18th birthday in 1984 he was already a seasoned rotter. So much so that it surprised nobody when he declared his intention to seek membership of the Conservative Party at the earliest opportunity.
He was succesful in his quest on his 18th birthday. He reported that he received several hearty "hear, hear's" when he praised Margarat Thatcher's leadership and expressed a desire that Arthur Scargill be publicly hanged. (The Tories were in the process of smashing his National Union of Mineworkers and with it bringing the Trade Union movement to its knees.)
He said the selection was really a screening process to ensure the party didn't become sullied with manual workers, social housing tenants and "other scumbags of similar ilk."
Soon after he departed for three years to a northern England university. This confused me as I knew he was thick as feck. That mystery was solved when I Iearnt he was there as a cleaner rather than an undergraduate.
I understand he skived his way through the duration. Often seen hurrying with a bucket in hand, it emerged his mop remained in the same pristine condition when he handed it back as when it was issued. It likely never touched water.
When he returned he regaled anyone prepared to listen about the double first he gained whilst away. Depending on how gullible he adjudged those who listened, he bagged everything from biophysics and Greek mythology to embroidery and needlework. All of It was utter bollocks, of course.
His sole academic qualifation didn't really count. That was the 25 metre breaststroke. He sank on his first two attempts and was only awarded the certificate when the lifeguards didn't fancy rescuing him a third time.
What a kent that fella is!
Unfortunately, I've known Sludge much longer than most people around here have, since his mid-teens in fact.
By the time he approached his 18th birthday in 1984 he was already a seasoned rotter. So much so that it surprised nobody when he declared his intention to seek membership of the Conservative Party at the earliest opportunity.
He was succesful in his quest on his 18th birthday. He reported that he received several hearty "hear, hear's" when he praised Margarat Thatcher's leadership and expressed a desire that Arthur Scargill be publicly hanged. (The Tories were in the process of smashing his National Union of Mineworkers and with it bringing the Trade Union movement to its knees.)
He said the selection was really a screening process to ensure the party didn't become sullied with manual workers, social housing tenants and "other scumbags of similar ilk."
Soon after he departed for three years to a northern England university. This confused me as I knew he was thick as feck. That mystery was solved when I Iearnt he was there as a cleaner rather than an undergraduate.
I understand he skived his way through the duration. Often seen hurrying with a bucket in hand, it emerged his mop remained in the same pristine condition when he handed it back as when it was issued. It likely never touched water.
When he returned he regaled anyone prepared to listen about the double first he gained whilst away. Depending on how gullible he adjudged those who listened, he bagged everything from biophysics and Greek mythology to embroidery and needlework. All of It was utter bollocks, of course.
His sole academic qualifation didn't really count. That was the 25 metre breaststroke. He sank on his first two attempts and was only awarded the certificate when the lifeguards didn't fancy rescuing him a third time.
What a kent that fella is!
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