Cyril Evans Awaydays, CCMB's senior member and Slough's third oldest resident, is an avid Sun newspaper reader.

When that publication told him to get a Covid needle his astounded carer said he climbed aboard his mobility scooter faster than a ferret can disappear down a rabbit hole.

Unfortunately, his dopey nephew and pillion passenger, fellow CCMB'er Lardy, was typically much slower off the mark which delayed their journey to the vaccination centre.

In a panic, he tore along the town's pavements at a breakneck 15 mph when scattering frightened pedestrians. Nobody was safe. Mothers pushing their prams heard the words: "move you stupid bint, get out of the faarking way!" as the aged, flat cap wearing hooligan approached.

Will he make a similar hysterical dash to the nearest branch of his bank should the currant bun tell him his dough's not safe there?