Baiting these twats is one of my favourite sports these days (I know I should get a life lol) so I'm always glad when they ring me.

The great thing these days is that whoever rings you be it with number withheld or a number you don't recognize, if you ask who's calling they always tell you. So, straightaway I know they're fair game.

I use a couple of sketches depending on my mood but as soon as I know this is playtime I always start by saying "could you just hold on a moment please?", and of course they always dutifully do....so I proceed to make a cup of coffee and maybe read an article or look at my pc or whatever. 10 minutes later, if they haven't by then hung up, I return to the call.

One of my favourite roles is the lonely old gentleman who's hard of hearing but excruciatingly polite: the call could go something like this;

Me: "hello, young lady sorry about that but I just had a caller at the door (or whatever")

Caller: oh that's ok

Me: before she gets a chance to start her spiel..."sorry could you tell me again who you are please?, my memory isn't so good these days"

Caller; This is....(spiel)!

Me: "oh sorry I didn't catch that, one moment please while I get a piece of paper and pencil"

Another 5 to 10 minutes before I return to the call and...
Me: "right, sorry could you tell me again please, slowly?"

Caller" It's...(spiel)

Me: " could you spell that please?"

Caller: spells

Me: " oh sorry just a moment my pen has run out of ink"

If they're still there when I get back (another 10 minutes)

Me: " it's so lovely to get a call from someone you know, I get so lonely since my wife died and I haven't many friends, you know, are you married yourself?"

Caller: (spiel...more frustrated)

Me: " oh sorry I didn't hear that, could you repeat it, my hearing is very bad you see"

Caller: (spiel, even more frustrated)
Me: "well it's lovely to hear such a friendly voice, did I tell you about my wife and how we were childhood sweethearts?"

This goes on and on till they put the phone down and I revel in a job well done, sad bastard as I am lol.