A tub of margarine fell on my foot two weeks ago.
I can’t believe it’s not better
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A tub of margarine fell on my foot two weeks ago.
I can’t believe it’s not better
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore he keeps getting attacked by the ducks.
That’s what you get for buying a pure bread dog
What do the donkeys at Barry Island have for lunch? Half an hour, same as the ones at Porthcawl.
I know lots of puns about the unemployed. Unfortunately none of them work.
I'm reading a book, 'The History Of Glue". Can't put it down.
I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in 10 did.
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel.
She’s a dominatwix.
A Japanese guy went to a Stevie Wonder concert and kept shouting to Stevie to "Play a jazz chord". Stevie played numerous jazz chords but still the Japanese guy shouted "Play a jazz chord"
Stevie got so fed up with this guy he got a couple of his roadies to lift him up on the stage, gave him a microphone and said, "Now show me what you mean".
The Japanese guy cleared his throat and started to sing, "A jazz chord to say I love you, a jazz chord to say how much I care"..........
I had an Indian takeaway last night and tried one of the house specials. It was a Chicken Tarka. A bit like a Chicken Tikka, but a little otter.
I spilled some superglue into the bath, but my wife used the bath before I could remove it.
You can imagine the result - disaster.
What’s a kangaroot? ..... A Scotsman locked in the toilet and he kangaroot.
I heard something this morning that really made me open my eyes. My alarm clock.
The library has no books on suicide, no bugger brings them back.
I used to be dyslexic but I'm ko now thank dog.
Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?
Doctor I feel like I’m a snooker ball.....Get to the end of the cue!
Bloody Tory government managing this virus.
I knew it would end in tiers.
My wife left me yesterday. She said i was too arrogant.
I said, can you bring some milk and bread with you when you come back!
My wife and daughter said they would leave me because they reckon I'm obsessed with horse racing. Just looked out of the window - and they're off.
A woman in the pub at the weekend asked my for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one!
Heard through an hotel room door in the USA, "No no Martha, blow's only an expression!"