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Thread: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

  1. #26

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Citizen's Nephew View Post
    Yes, this is very excellent and important advice. You must see your GP and you must insist on getting a social worker for yourself too.
    gp , social work intake and assessment team , older persons mental health team , your advice is spot on

  2. #27

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    OK. I have been thinking about this on my walk this morning. I have a lot of experience with the kind of problems you are experiencing with several members of my family. From my own experience don't let this go. All of the authorities will assume the problem has gone away if you don't badger them continuously.

    If I was in your shoes I would do the following:

    1. You have to sort yourself out first. Visit your GP, tell him/her how you feel and if necessary get some medication like Diazapan to calm you down and help you to think more clearly.

    2. Speak to Social Services and tell them the problem and how it is affecting you. Say you cannot keep caring for your wife as you are at your wits end.

    3. Follow up the conversation with a letter to Social Services and copy it to your GP, your local Councillor, your MP, local health authority and your AM. Make sure the letter makes it absolutely clear the people who you are copying the letter to. Say something like " I am copying this letter to etc''...............It is then a matter of record that you are in need of help and if anything were to happen one of them will know they have to do something. At least one of them will set the ball rolling as they know they will be culpable if anything were to happen.

    Taking these steps got my mother in law and sister in Whitchurch Hospital and my mother a care package from Social Services. They are well able to handle awkward customers such as your wife who seems to be suffering from an aggressive form of dimentia. If you have no savings so much the better because in the early stages all I was given was a list of care providers you have to pay for.

    Try and take the first step today. Procrastinating until you feel helpless is not the way to go but I strongly advise you to start off by sorting yourself out first.

  3. #28

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    this is excellent advice , a short course of diazepam to calm you down and get a plan of action for the next few days

    If you are suffering from depression and anxiety a decent gp will just give you diazepam for a couple of days then try some counselling and , or , anti depressants

    Its so important you act now , not tomorrow , now

    You will gain a sense of control

    Dementia is an awful illness to witness but there are people out there who can help your wife and you

  4. #29

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by chris lee View Post
    Sorry to hear this mate, the advice already provided seems a good start and hope you work your way through it.

    On a side note, when we are allowed back in the stadium, let me know if you would ever like to go to a game, I can pick you up and it might be nice to get out the house for a bit and watch some live football
    That's a lovely gesture! There are still plenty of good people in this world.

  5. #30

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    I cant offer any more help or advice that has already been covered on the thread. The responses have been excellent.

    Your own physical and mental health is equally as important as your wife's, and by sharing on here is the first step in addressing the situation. I wish you well.

  6. #31

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    Some fantastic advice given to you here by fellow bluebirds

    Your wife is clearly suffering from either a dementia type illness such as vascular dementia , my mother has this ......or she has alzheimers , a form of dementia ........she could possibly have delirium.......or she has recurring urine infections

    You are clearly under a great deal of stress and your wife needs to be seen by an experienced mental health professional

    She is a danger to herself and to you

    Phone the Llanfair unit at Llandough hospital in Cardiff if you are in Cardiff and the Vale of Glamorgan

    These people are the experts in elderly mental health . They are headed by a team of psychiatrists who will send out a team of nurses to assess your wife , report back to the doctors and a diagnosis will be formed and a treatment plan made which may include medication and a ct scan to see if your wife has dementia

    Phone them NOW

    They will advise you . A referral usually has to come from a GP but sometimes they act very quickly if you contact them yourself. You must say you are frightened , anxious , depressed and are having very frightening thoughts . This is beyond the help of a GP .

    My mother was seen by the older person's mental health team last March and was given a diagnosis of severe anxiety , delirium and vascular dementia .

    Phone them now , I will find the number for you
    Listen to Sludge. He is very knowledgeable in this sort of area and has given me good advice (in the case of physical disability rather than mental health, but the advice still holds) in the past

  7. #32

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    There's clearly people much more knowledgable than me replying so I haven't got much to add other than to second reach out to professionals and don't downplay to them how serious the problem is for yourself or your wife, and make sure you get the help you need for your mental health as well. You can't be expected to help her when you're clearly struggling yourself.

    All the best to you mate, feel free to PM any time

  8. #33

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Sludge. Thanks my friend, I live in the Abergavenny area. (Lifelong Fisherman as well)

  9. #34

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by chris lee View Post
    Sorry to hear this mate, the advice already provided seems a good start and hope you work your way through it.

    On a side note, when we are allowed back in the stadium, let me know if you would ever like to go to a game, I can pick you up and it might be nice to get out the house for a bit and watch some live football
    Chris, What a lovely offer, Wife and I were Season ticket holders for 10 years until My hip ops. I would love to take you up on your offer sometime when things get better. Thanks again my friend.

  10. #35

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Citizen's Nephew View Post
    Yes, this is very excellent and important advice. You must see your GP and you must insist on getting a social worker for yourself too.
    This.....all the way

  11. #36

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Rock_Flock_of_Five View Post
    That's a lovely gesture! There are still plenty of good people in this world.
    Thats amazing 👏

  12. #37

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    Sludge. Thanks my friend, I live in the Abergavenny area. (Lifelong Fisherman as well)
    Great fishing in the canal

    Whats the health board ?

    Are your services still based at neville Hall or have they moved to cwmbran ?

  13. #38

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    Great fishing in the canal

    Whats the health board ?

    Are your services still based at neville Hall or have they moved to cwmbran ?
    Older Adults Mental Health Duty Desk

    Maindiff Court

    01873 735513

    Tell them how unwell your wife is and how unwell you feel

    Don't let them fobb you off to your GP

    If they say you need a referral from the GP phone the GP and tell them if he or she won't do it , you will

    Good luck bluebird

  14. #39

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    Great fishing in the canal

    Whats the health board ?

    Are your services still based at neville Hall or have they moved to cwmbran ?
    Nevill hall I imagine sludge.

  15. #40

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    Nevill hall I imagine sludge.

    Maindiff Court is what you want

    Psychiatric emergency duty desk for older people

    01873 735513

    Open 9 to 5

    They will help you bluebird

  16. #41

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Some great responses in this thread - well done to all concerned.

  17. #42

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    I’m working at POBL at the moment - there may be someone there who can help - they certainly cover the Gwent area - let me know if you want me to contact someone on your behalf - pm me some details.
    Dave

  18. #43

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Toadstool View Post
    I’m working at POBL at the moment - there may be someone there who can help - they certainly cover the Gwent area - let me know if you want me to contact someone on your behalf - pm me some details.
    Dave
    Dave , thanks very much indeed my friend. I would be very grateful indeed. Im quite happy for you to send my message if you think it would help.

  19. #44

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    Dave , thanks very much indeed my friend. I would be very grateful indeed. Im quite happy for you to send my message if you think it would help.
    Pobl are a housing association who also do fantastic advice work in the community .

    If you are at your wits end then you really do need to get your wife assessed and your own needs addressed as soon as possible

    Your wife needs a psychiatric assessment , wether she wants one or not . I know this is tough but the mental health professionals need to be contacted soon as you can

    Pobl , Samaritans , Age Cymru , Dementia UK, Alzheimers Society , Citizens Advice , all great but you don't know what you are dealing with as yet .......it could be alzheimers, dementia , delirium due to urine infections , prolonged delirium .....a very serious condition .....old age psychosis etc

    I would urge you to contact the older persons mental health team and get your wife assessed then treated

    After that .......all the various support groups can help you

    Its no good phoning up the Citizens Advice Bureau as they will urge you to contact the medical people but for getting attendance allowance as you care for your wife , citizens advice and pobl and other support agencies will help you all the way

    But get the medical experts involved first Mr fish 🐟 😉

  20. #45

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    All the best Mad As Fish. As always this board is as it’s best for stuff like this.

  21. #46

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by SLUDGE FACTORY View Post
    Pobl are a housing association who also do fantastic advice work in the community .

    If you are at your wits end then you really do need to get your wife assessed and your own needs addressed as soon as possible

    Your wife needs a psychiatric assessment , wether she wants one or not . I know this is tough but the mental health professionals need to be contacted soon as you can

    Pobl , Samaritans , Age Cymru , Dementia UK, Alzheimers Society , Citizens Advice , all great but you don't know what you are dealing with as yet .......it could be alzheimers, dementia , delirium due to urine infections , prolonged delirium .....a very serious condition .....old age psychosis etc

    I would urge you to contact the older persons mental health team and get your wife assessed then treated

    After that .......all the various support groups can help you

    Its no good phoning up the Citizens Advice Bureau as they will urge you to contact the medical people but for getting attendance allowance as you care for your wife , citizens advice and pobl and other support agencies will help you all the way

    But get the medical experts involved first Mr fish �� ��
    This board has really helped me today Sludge. Tried to ring the GP today but receptionist refused to put me through.

  22. #47

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad as a fish View Post
    This board has really helped me today Sludge. Tried to ring the GP today but receptionist refused to put me through.
    Phone the number of adult old age mental health I have given you direct , if they are awkward phone social services , if they don't help you phone your gp and tell them you need an urgent assessment for a psychiatric review of your wife

    You can phone the adult mental health for older people NOW , its a duty desk and you can leave a message , they will phone you as soon as you can

    Your wife is clearly in need of expert help , if they tell you to contact your gp tell them you already have and the receptionist wouldn't put you through to a doctor .

    If they insist you speak to a GP first bollocks to the receptionist , tell her or him you want to speak to a doctor and will keep phoning till you speak to one . You MUST tell the doctor how unwell your wife is and how unwell it is making you . You must not take no for an answer . If you want me to phone the gp or the old age mental health team on your behalf message me and I will do it . I have already phoned general adult mental health services and they gave me the number above at maindiff. This is your first step , you must get medical intervention for your wife NOW and then for yourself .

  23. #48

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    Hi MAAF,

    I live in London and showed this thread to my girlfriend who's an A&E nurse in a London hospital.

    She said that there has been excellent advice given in this thread, but one thing that perhaps hasn't been said yet is that if you're seriously worried for your or her safety, at any time of the day, call 999. She said that this is a warranted reason to call for help, and the staff in A&E and the paramedics are trained to deal with this kind of thing and they would take it seriously.

    Put it this way, if an A&E nurse is telling you that you can go to A&E with this, it's a valid reason to go.

    Keep us posted. We're all here for you.

    Dave

  24. #49

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    You might not want to hear this, but your wife is showing all the signs of regressive dementia. I've seen the majority of the symptoms you mention, when my grandmother fell ill. You have to see help as soon as possible, especially as you could be in danger yourself. I'm not saying she would deliberately hurt you, but the situation can arise when sufferers don't know where they are, nor who they are with, and they can often lash out.
    You need to see a doctor, and a social worker as well, and to get help. Do you have any children, or close family? Previous posters have listed some numbers, so I won't add to those, but make sure you do it - don't wait 'in case things get better'. Sadly, it is unlikely that things will improve, so you need to get help soon. Good luck to you both.

  25. #50

    Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

    A heartfelt thank you to every person on here who has offered advice I had such a bad couple of days that I havnt plucked up enough balls to do anything yet, but I guess I will have to shortly. Thanks again everyone, so very much appreciated.Thank you.

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