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SLUDGE FACTORY
I am playing in central midfield for city , a sort of willie boland who scores goals type
We are away at those bloody plastic scousers , last game of the season
It's our first season back in the big time and we have gone from bottom of the league at xmas to within a point of liverpool
Who ever wins this game , wins the league
With two minutes left the ball falls to me outside the area and I curl out a belter that finds the corner of the net
Cue bedlam in the packed away end , people are invading the pitch
Order is restored and we have to see out five minutes of injury time
I am at the centre of everything , end to end tackles , goalline clearances , the lot
Eventually the final whistle goes , the city fans run onto the pitch and I am carried in their arms all around the pitch , stopping at the top to flick the vicks to the spoilt gits
After the game before boarding the bus I am approached by Salma Hayek who says she has always been a cardiff fan due to her docks ancestry , she gives me her number and we spend the summer making love on her luxury yacht in Florida
Sadly fame goes to my head , I develop a methadone habit and end up in a bed sit on newport road
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