Parents

[goats]

Re: Parents

Parenting can be difficult, and sometimes you have to take the lazy option if you want an easier life. My Boy was ****ing nuts when he was small, sure it was ADHD or something similar, anyway, i used to sit him in the foot well of the passenger seat in the car and throw Haribo sweets at him to keep him quiet. I've always prided myself on finding a solution.

Like your style….letting them down a bottle of calpol is alright too, the stated doses mean nothing apparently.

[Tuerto]

Re: Parents

Like your style….letting them down a bottle of calpol is alright too, the stated doses mean nothing apparently.

In all seriousness, you do your best under the circumstances. I was working 60hrs a week when my kids were growing up, my missus did night shifts in the royal gwent and we had no childcare so she wouldn't get any sleep the next day, then i was contracting away from home which is really bad for the family unit, luckily, i had my kids young, got three of them, so i had the energy, although it was bloody hard for 15 years and it takes it's toll on everyone, kids included. Was i a perfect parent? Not by a long shot. Do i regret it when i reflect? Yes, absolutely i do, i focused on work too much and that was to the detriment of my family, but i was still learning, and i thought that the righteous thing was to provide, when the correct thing to do was get some ****ing balance in my life!

So, how did it end up? Not bad actually, my kids are wonderful, they're all happy enough, doing well, working, in college. Me and the missus are still cracking skulls, 26 years on wednesday and have been together since we were 15, and we're still a unit, a formidable force as a family

Did i screw my kids up a bit? No doubt about it, and i was selfish on times, but like a good Dad i learnt what is important, and anyway, what is perfect anyway? They're Humble, kind, giving, and that's all i can ask for, and they make me happy everyday

[jon1959]

Re: Parents

Parenting can be difficult, and sometimes you have to take the lazy option if you want an easier life. My Boy was ****ing nuts when he was small, sure it was ADHD or something similar, anyway, i used to sit him in the foot well of the passenger seat in the car and throw Haribo sweets at him to keep him quiet. I've always prided myself on finding a solution.

And for traditionalists, there is always gin!

Gin Lane.jpg

[Tuerto]

Re: Parents

And for traditionalists, there is always gin!

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Hogarth was a Visionary, what with the popularity in Gin nowadays. Alcohol and kids don't mix!

[dembethewarrior]

Re: Parents

In all seriousness, you do your best under the circumstances. I was working 60hrs a week when my kids were growing up, my missus did night shifts in the royal gwent and we had no childcare so she wouldn't get any sleep the next day, then i was contracting away from home which is really bad for the family unit, luckily, i had my kids young, got three of them, so i had the energy, although it was bloody hard for 15 years and it takes it's toll on everyone, kids included. Was i a perfect parent? Not by a long shot. Do i regret it when i reflect? Yes, absolutely i do, i focused on work too much and that was to the detriment of my family, but i was still learning, and i thought that the righteous thing was to provide, when the correct thing to do was get some ****ing balance in my life!

So, how did it end up? Not bad actually, my kids are wonderful, they're all happy enough, doing well, working, in college. Me and the missus are still cracking skulls, 26 years on wednesday and have been together since we were 15, and we're still a unit, a formidable force as a family

Did i screw my kids up a bit? No doubt about it, and i was selfish on times, but like a good Dad i learnt what is important, and anyway, what is perfect anyway? They're Humble, kind, giving, and that's all i can ask for, and they make me happy everyday

That's a far cry from parents who dump their kids in a bedroom and say get on with it or leave them run loose in the streets because they can't be bothered.

You worked your bollocks off and so did your missus,that to me doesn't make you a bad parent, on my opinion.
Like you said in another thread you still spend time with your 17 year old doing the stuff she loves. Me as mine wandered around B&M yesterday because that's what she wanted to spend her Saturday doing.
You worked to give them stability and a nice home.

[North Cardiff Blue]

Re: Parents

everyone's idea of good parenting is different though, some people slog their guts out to earn more so they can spend a fortune they don't have on ridiculous Christmas gifts like PS5 etc anything to make the kids happy
and they do everything for their kids, cooking cleaning helping with homework etc
my partner is Chinese - and to her that would be extremely bad parenting, her kid is expected to clean up after himself and make himself breakfast, needs to manage his own homework and make sure it is all completed and if she thinks it's not done to a high enough standard she'd make him do it again, or if he hasn't got "enough" homework she will buy some more exercise books for him to study.
if he does something wrong then she's super strict on him.
the worst thing you can do as a Chinese parent is to be too soft on your kids, it's easier for you in the short term but it doesn't benefit the kid in the long term

Work hard, show them the benefits of working hard, and buy in as good an area as you can afford, so you're kids get semi-private education, ie schools in Lisvane have better-behaved kids than the schools in the shit areas.

Of course, your kids could still fall in with some kid that wants to do drugs, drink, and be a tool and not aspire to do anything, but the chances are greatly reduced.

Also, spend as much free time with them as you can and take them to nice places and involve them with as many sports and activities as possible, take them out on bikes canoes whatever you can.

The rest should be standard, work hard, respect the family, help around the house from an early age, be polite, don't swear with family etc.

It's not really hard and should come naturally.

[79blue]

Re: Parents

My daughters, now in their late 20’s and early 30’s have all turned out polite well adjusted people which gives me some pride.

On of the best thrills for me was finding out one of my daughters now does the one thing with her children, which she always moaned about when she was a child.

When they were growing up (3 girls) they tended to hoard everything and not tidy up their stuff. I invented bin bag day when it got too much. They each had a black bin bag and to fill it up with the stuff they did not need or use any more. They use to moan but it worked and we used to do it every 3 or 4 months. She now does does this with her kids and tells me she now sees the logic behind it. As she lives in Lincolnshire we speak regularly on the phone and she frequently tells me that her view of my parenting has changed (for the better) as she faces the same dilemmas with her 3 children and she frequently seeks advice.

[Tuerto]

Re: Parents

That's a far cry from parents who dump their kids in a bedroom and say get on with it or leave them run loose in the streets because they can't be bothered.

You worked your bollocks off and so did your missus,that to me doesn't make you a bad parent, on my opinion.
Like you said in another thread you still spend time with your 17 year old doing the stuff she loves. Me as mine wandered around B&M yesterday because that's what she wanted to spend her Saturday doing.
You worked to give them stability and a nice home.

I did my best, i think

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

Re: Parents

I am glad I never had kids

Great laugh if they are pleasant , from whatever backgrounds

Absolute pain the arse if they ain't

Ball of stress for most of my mates then they naff off at 18

[Des Parrot]

Re: Parents

Do you find the way you brought them up changed with the younger ones?
I have three, similar ages to yours. Looking back we didn't really know what we were doing with the first, kind of learning as we went along. By the time e had the third we had got the hang of it.

Totally, great call. I was a lot tougher on the older two. There’s 8 years between 2nd & 3rd and the youngest two had a lot more latitude and got away with more.

[Tuerto]

Re: Parents

Totally, great call. I was a lot tougher on the older two. There’s 8 years between 2nd & 3rd and the youngest two had a lot more latitude and got away with more.

Same with me Des, my youngest, who is 17, gets away with a fair bit that the other two couldn't have.

[Heathblue]

Re: Parents

Same with me Des, my youngest, who is 17, gets away with a fair bit that the other two couldn't have.

Just slightly changing gears but on topic, I hated then and still do, the expectation that the father is the one supposed to be in control of the discipline, "wait till your father gets home" i think this attitude often caused problems for fathers as they would be the ones who were telling the kids no, next time you do that it's bed early for you etc.

[dembethewarrior]

Re: Parents

Just slightly changing gears but on topic, I hated then and still do, the expectation that the father is the one supposed to be in control of the discipline, "wait till your father gets home" i think this attitude often caused problems for fathers as they would be the ones who were telling the kids no, next time you do that it's bed early for you etc.

I'm definitely the nice one. Her mother is the bollocking giver.

I remember seeing what you mentioned growing up and still happens now, the mother was always the one you went to when dad said no etc..

[Tuerto]

Re: Parents

Just slightly changing gears but on topic, I hated then and still do, the expectation that the father is the one supposed to be in control of the discipline, "wait till your father gets home" i think this attitude often caused problems for fathers as they would be the ones who were telling the kids no, next time you do that it's bed early for you etc.

Yeah, it does sort of paint men as monsters, although i'm sure that it was never meant that way, or maybe it goes back to the days when fathers dished out a leathering. I'm sure that whatever my kids were getting up to, that when i arrived home i would join in with them

[RichardM]

Re: Parents

I'm definitely the nice one. Her mother is the bollocking giver.

I remember seeing what you mentioned growing up and still happens now, the mother was always the one you went to when dad said no etc..

I think it was fairly even between me and my wife when it came to discipline, but when it came to "can I have..." I was the soft touch, especially with my daughter, who is the youngest.