O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

[Mad as a fish]

Before I start pleas believe me I really am at my wits end and genuinely dont know what to do or who to turn to. My Wife and I are elderly, Im 73 wife is 77 been married for 53 years. I am as sharp as a button mentally but am disabled due to an inability to walk more than a few steps due to 4 unsuccessful hip operations. The last couple of years My Mrs has been having memory problems etc which have been getting rapidly worse to the extent of becoming extremely dangerous and violent. We sleep in separate rooms due to my disability and the last six months due to my disability we now live in a beautiful Purpose built disabled bungalow. To give you an instance of what is going on today I heard a crash and asked her what was going on and she had thrown an alarm clock against the wall and smashed it to bits, I asked her why she had done it and she said there was no dialling tone on it!! Other instances have been she lighting fires in ashtrays and watches it. She has stabbed me (accidently) a couple of times. She has become increasingly violent and just goes around grunting out loud every waking minute and just cries all day long.
I have tried to gently tried to persuade her to talk to somebody about it and she goes mad at me and says I am trying to get her put away (Not true) I just want her to get help. She was assigned a Social worker a few months ago who was a lovely woman about 30ish, until one day she accused her of having an affair with me so obviously she couldnt help her any more. A few months ago the Doctor came to see me and I told him about the Mrs, guess what happened, he said he couldnt do anything unless my Mrs contacted him for help and said he couldnt help me with the problem. For the last few months I have just stayed in my bedroom just for peace and quiet if I venture out my World becomes a War Zone and I have got to the point where I am not going to be able to go on much longer, I am extremely depressed as you can probably tell but I havnt got enough bravery to finish it all but I go to bed every night hoping I wont wake up in the morning. Who the hell can I turn to, the Doctor doesnt want to know. Any suggestion would be gratefully recieved. Im desperate.
Thank for at lleast reading this.

[life on mars]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Please contact these good people:

https://www.samaritans.org/wales/branches/cardiff/

[stan butler]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Before I start pleas believe me I really am at my wits end and genuinely dont know what to do or who to turn to. My Wife and I are elderly, Im 73 wife is 77 been married for 53 years. I am as sharp as a button mentally but am disabled due to an inability to walk more than a few steps due to 4 unsuccessful hip operations. The last couple of years My Mrs has been having memory problems etc which have been getting rapidly worse to the extent of becoming extremely dangerous and violent. We sleep in separate rooms due to my disability and the last six months due to my disability we now live in a beautiful Purpose built disabled bungalow. To give you an instance of what is going on today I heard a crash and asked her what was going on and she had thrown an alarm clock against the wall and smashed it to bits, I asked her why she had done it and she said there was no dialling tone on it!! Other instances have been she lighting fires in ashtrays and watches it. She has stabbed me (accidently) a couple of times. She has become increasingly violent and just goes around grunting out loud every waking minute and just cries all day long.
I have tried to gently tried to persuade her to talk to somebody about it and she goes mad at me and says I am trying to get her put away (Not true) I just want her to get help. She was assigned a Social worker a few months ago who was a lovely woman about 30ish, until one day she accused her of having an affair with me so obviously she couldnt help her any more. A few months ago the Doctor came to see me and I told him about the Mrs, guess what happened, he said he couldnt do anything unless my Mrs contacted him for help and said he couldnt help me with the problem. For the last few months I have just stayed in my bedroom just for peace and quiet if I venture out my World becomes a War Zone and I have got to the point where I am not going to be able to go on much longer, I am extremely depressed as you can probably tell but I havnt got enough bravery to finish it all but I go to bed every night hoping I wont wake up in the morning. Who the hell can I turn to, the Doctor doesnt want to know. Any suggestion would be gratefully recieved. Im desperate.
Thank for at lleast reading this.

Sorry it's not much help but have you tried contacting and speaking to mental health organisations or charities?

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/for-friends-and-family/

[Wash DC Blue]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Ah Mate.

I really wish that I could offer something more than just my best wishes.

I’m open to reading and conversing with you if it might help.

[Elwood Blues]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Please contact these good people:

https://www.samaritans.org/wales/branches/cardiff/

I agree that is an excellent idea. I have never used them but they must have heard this sort of story before and shouls know where you can get help

[Armitage Shanks]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

It is likely she needs reassessment from the mental health team.
Has she a CPN? She also must have a consultant, if so speak to their secretary to make an appointment.
Also if she is getting more confused, then she may have a delirium possibility due to a urine infection.

But in the 1st instance she needs a review, especially if she is or not on any anti psychotics such as risperidone or halopeladol to name but 2.

[Rjk]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

oh man that sounds like a nightmare.
it sounds like you need some kind of professional help, hopefully someone will have a mode specific suggestion.

[goats]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

The Doctor should be doing more than that.....if someone becomes a danger to oneself or those around them they should intervene.

[Whisperer]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Good morning MAAF, I"m really sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time at the moment, of what you say it sounds like your wife is suffering from some sort of dementia, I would suggest calling (Dementia UK - 0800 888 6678) they offer support to carers and i'm sure they will signpost you and your wife to some sort of specialist support.
Good luck MAAF I wish you well mate.

[Croesy Blue]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

No advice I can offer but best wishes and hopefully someone will be able to help you.

It is definitely worth talking to the samaritans and dementia uk.

Do you have any family you can ask for help too?

[Cyncoed Slumdog]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

I really sympathise with your problem because a relative of mine was in a very similar situation with his wife.
The problem was diagnosed as vascular dementia so I'm very surprised that your doctor didn't attempt some sort of diagnosis.

[Citizen's Nephew]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Really sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. As others have suggested, it's really important you get some professional help, and really well done for reaching out because it's not an easy thing to do.

I showed your post to my wife who is a psychiatric and social care professional and these were her suggestions so I'm just going to write them out from her notes.

Email or copy your post with a short explanatory note i.e. you're too exhausted to compile a new letter and need access to help fast. Make sure you say that there is a duty of care and if you feel able, say that you feel your wife may be a danger to herself and/or others (it's not easy but it may be the best thing to do).

Post/email/phone:

Phone Social Services (in your location - ask for The Duty Social Worker and follow up with an email containing a copy of your post).
You should get a Social Worker for yourself and they will be able to assist and take on all of these tasks.
Phone CMHT (in your location) follow up with an email containing a copy of your post.
Phone Age Cymru 0300 3034498
Phone the Alzheimer's Society 0333 1503456 (Whisperer has already kindly given the phone number of Dementia UK)
Call Citizens Advice 0808 2787925 and arrange for an advocate if one is needed for you and/or your wife.
Pobl 01633 679911 (based in Newport but cover much wider areas - go to the older persons page/section on their website - they can be very helpful regarding mobility issues and home care).

If you visit the above websites there are also many other ways to contact them as well as more detailed information.

Finally and most importantly send a copy of your post to your GP straight away as having something in writing is a very powerful way of ensuring there will be a considered and more successful response. Your GP has a duty of care to you and can arrange to see your wife too.

If possible, print out and send a hard copy of all your emails to everyone suggested.

There are many people out there who can and will help and support. It's important you communicate just how difficult things have become for you and don't be afraid of being frank and honest like you've been here. I know it's difficult but don't be timid when communicating with service providers, try and be as assertive as can. Your situation is an emergency.

All the very best.

[Mad as a fish]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Thanks for getting back to me mate, She just refuses to see anyone at all, so no Consultant no nothing Im afraid

[Mad as a fish]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Thanks to all that have replied. Im not having a very good day at all today so I will read all of your mails and digest them, To be perfectly honest I feel beaten and think I will just probably call it a day soon.

[Croesy Blue]

Re: O/T BIT OF A LONG SHOT, AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE

Thanks to all that have replied. Im not having a very good day at all today so I will read all of your mails and digest them, To be perfectly honest I feel beaten and think I will just probably call it a day soon.

Don't call it a day, things will definitely improve, reaching out for help is the first part and you've done that.