the cookie story

[redjk]

Just came across this true story by Douglas Adams, which made me smile.
It captures the essence of British awkwardness perfectly.


This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know... But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do aclue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, What am I going to do?

In the end I thought Nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice..." I mean, it doesn't really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and st back.

A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies. The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Crumbs.

[Pug]

Effort spoiled completely by the term cookies. Hardly used now, must have been foreign word in 1976. Biscuits, please.

[Ainsley Harriott]

That story really does take the biscuit

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Effort spoiled completely by the term cookies. Hardly used now, must have been foreign word in 1976. Biscuits, please.

Just like we never said 'movies', 'work colleague' or said 'experiencing issues' when we were having problems

[Jimmy the Jock]

I thought it was brilliant.

[Ragnar Lothbrok]

Biscuits:-

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Cookies:-



Hope this helps.

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Biscuits:-

Hope that helps.

[redjk]

Biscuits:-

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Also in many parts of the states, a biscuit is kind of a savoury thing you have with gravy.

[Ragnar Lothbrok]

Biscuits:-

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Cookies:-

Can tell you're an old one Genie.

[Alex DeLarge]

http://www.snopes.com/crime/safety/cookies.asp

[Ragnar Lothbrok]

http://www.snopes.com/crime/safety/cookies.asp

Douglas Adams is a filthy muggle.

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Biscuits:-

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Cookies:-

Indeed. Tis like a scone - and the gravy that goes with it is white, isn't it?

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Biscuits:-

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Cookies:-

Let's hope you make it to my age, old fruit. By the way, I cashed in my superannuation when I was 20 - as I didn't think I would live this long.

[TH63]

One shudders to think at the direction this thread would've gone if they had been Jaffa cakes

[Taunton Blue Genie]

One shudders to think at the direction this thread would've gone if they had been Jaffa cakes

[Steve R]

It's a regular story that does the rounds every now and then, much like the surprise party when the bloke comes downstairs in the nude and the Asian bloke in Marks & Spencer with not enough cash!

[Taunton Blue Genie]

It's a regular story that does the rounds every now and then, much like the surprise party when the bloke comes downstairs in the nude and the Asian bloke in Marks & Spencer with not enough cash!

Is that the one where a black lady appears at the foot of the bed?

[BlueWales]

At first glance I thought this thread was going to be about the things on computers.

[Lawley Kazoo]

At first glance I thought this thread was going to be about the things on computers.

I assumed Chris Coleman's autobiography had come out.

[splott parker]

What about, "I'd gotten the time of the train wrong".......... Gotten

[Taunton Blue Genie]

What about, "I'd gotten the time of the train wrong".......... Gotten

It is another of those words used by Americans that tends to grate on the British ear whilst having its origin in Old or Middle English. Language in small communities such as colonies tends to change at a slower pace than in the respective linguistic 'motherlands' which may have dispensed with some words a long time ago.

[splott parker]

What about, "I'd gotten the time of the train wrong".......... Gotten

It is another of those words used by Americans that tends to grate on the British ear whilst having its origin in Old or Middle English. Language in small communities such as colonies tends to change at a slower pace than in the respective linguistic 'motherlands' which may have dispensed with some words a long time ago.

Bloody middle Englanders

[Loramski]

Effort spoiled completely by the term cookies. Hardly used now, must have been foreign word in 1976. Biscuits, please.

I thought that too.

I like the word issues. For example, I'd use it in the sentence 'Anyone who keeps jumping into sensible threads by making puerile jokes and irrelevant criticisms must have issues'.

[Taunton Blue Genie]

Effort spoiled completely by the term cookies. Hardly used now, must have been foreign word in 1976. Biscuits, please.

I thought that too.

Just like we never said 'movies', 'work colleague' or said 'experiencing issues' when we were having problems

or 'must have problems.'