Do you own a diary ?

[SLUDGE FACTORY]

Good lad. When the police come knocking your ‘To do lists’ and diary entries will save them the time of collecting any evidence as you’d have scribed perfectly your misdemeanours all on paper.

I will admit to pouring some unused flora olive oil down the sink last year as it was past its sell by date

If that clogs up the drains and they have to come and unblock them them then I am done for

And if they dig up the patio its curtains