Quote Originally Posted by Des Parrot View Post
Yes, it was a huge burden, she received the initial response but didn’t understand it, it took me a few days to realise and fortunately it was via my managed tree & email so I was able to control the mass of incoming contacts.

My wife was estranged from her fathers family in Belfast, I worked for a couple of years and finally got a breakthrough, opened up her family and reconnected it. She now has an ongoing relationship with them. As you know many records were lost in Ireland so I thought a DNA test would open up more connections. Big mistake. Zero Irish blood, 50% Welsh blood.

All of the family in Ireland are not related.

It took 4 months to make the decision and tell her. because I was incapable of keeping it secret, because she might want to know, because she had brothers & sisters she doesn’t know, because she’s Welsh, because our kids have a right to know.

Her response was, I’ve heard, he’s not my father, never mention it again.
Thanks for sharing what is very personal information.
On reflection my enquiry was intrusive - and I apologise.
I fully understand your dilemma.
What an unfortunate result from what was an innocent action in ordering the tests!
It's hard to imagine the stress the result has created and I meant no implied criticism of your action in telling your wife.
It must have been a terrible shock for her.
Perhaps sometime later, when she has absorbed what has been discovered, her reaction may soften.
I do hope so.
Your experience is valuable to me because I have to pass on all manner of sometimes terrible events I discover when investigating other people's ancestry. These have included rape, suicide even killings. Often I have to ask whether they really want to know - and even when my report is finished, I've asked the person's partner whether they can cope with harrowing events in their ancestor's lives. Just recently I looked into the family of one of my close relatives and opened a can of worms. Fortunately, I was in contact with a responsible daughter and we decided on an appropriate course of action. Once information is out there, it can't be redacted.
So I'm grateful to you for you describing what is for me a salutary experience.